Pudgy Indian

The desert is vast
abandoned towns
houses with boards and broken glass
for windows
where looking out
or in
seems like some sort
of crime.

It is awe
I feel
at the vast beauty
of a world
that would unconsciously cook my body
and soul
in its brutal
and loving
summer heat.

Abandoned homes
and businesses
line the valley floors
between naked hills
bare to the creator and earth.
Bare, yet full of life
tough and brave
and abandoned cars
and houses
and businesses
fallen down
collapsed
with random acts of casinos
and brothels.

and here
on the desert floor
a flourishing business of mass slaughter
and death
munitions dumps
playgrounds with twin 50's
gleaned from old ships
for children to learn to love
the art of killing their fellow human beings
but there are no children to be seen
in the desert heat
that isn't that hot yet
in this late spring.

Where the town of Hawthrone
is decorated with giant bullets
from the big cannons of battleships
and all sorts of military attire
in a town where the Naval Warfare Center
houses its fields
of death and slaughter
just down the road
from the Nuclear Test Site
ran by the Bechtel Corporation.
Death...it's good for business.

Here in the land of the Shoshone
Here on their land
their land
their land
on their land
a land not recognized
by the officiates of death
the business of mass slaughter
is perfected
into a sickening artform
where liberal and genocidal
white men of peace and war
ridicule my honey and I
in racist and classist form.

We stand divided
from our imperialist
genocidal occupiers
and our peaceful
genoicdal occupiers
who hand out insults
both peaceful and genocidal
like handing out candy
to children
on Halloween.

Here on the desert floor
on Shoshone land
we are looked down upon
by all forms of occupiers
who have come to save us
from ourselves
or slaughter us
for themselves.

But
they haven't finished us off
though they've tried for so long
and we kneel
before their valley of death
and pray for the land
and one and all
to the voiced insults
of soldiers and cops
behind the line
an illusion
a line where on the other side
people are successful
and drive SUV's and fast cars
and insult us as they pass
and I know they face greater cancer rates
I know their fast cars and SUV's
come at the expense
of many slaughtered throughout their brief illegal time
in creating higher cancer rates
amongst those who feel the fallout
in towns nearby
and long gone
abandoned
with broken glass and boards
for windows
cars sitting so long
their tires have melted away.

We knelt before the line
with insults from those on both sides
carried in our souls
I try to protect our pipes
from my negative thoughts
as I know when we put them back in the bag
we aint nothin' but a couple of ludicrous
Red Niggers
to both sides of the line
where peaceful and warlike
genocidal white men
are ready to explain to us
the inferiority
of our place
...in our world.

It doesn't end for us
as our world has become
a giant boarding school
in a radioactive nation.

The war against the Indigenous nations of the Western Hemisphere has NOT ended. Here is an article about Brazilian Indians and the current war to wipe them off the face of the earth in order to create wealth for non-indigenous assholes.

http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/world/international-brazil-indians-violence.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Here is an article about some of America's military actions, this one against the South Koreans, the ones we were allegedly fighting for. This, my friends, is the America I know.

http://www.commondreams.org/headlines06/0531-07.htm

Let's not forget the extermination programs against the South Vietnamese (our allies) via the Phoenix Program. Let's not forget the extermination programs of the "friendly" Indians such as the Cheyenne at Sand Creek. And I could go on for hours with the horrific actions of the U.S. that I know of. The ones I don't know could go on and on and on....

Just found a story on Truthout about non-nuclear weapons designed for pre-emptive strikes which means that they are most likely going to attempt to do a test on the BECHTEL ran Nevada Nuclear Test Site.

http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/053006D.shtml

I've been hearing that the test has been cancelled, but since when has the U.S. government been honest? Gotta keep our heads up on this one and listen to the information coming out carefully and catch them before they start committing their crimes again because they show a consistent pattern of doing their best to commit crimes even if they are stopped before they commit them. They give them different names in an attempt to fool people.

This article discusses the use of non-nuclear super lethal almost nuclear weapons to be used in pre-emptive strikes. Pre-emptive strikes are AGAINST INTERNATIONAL LAW! HELLO!

OK, let's look at it like this. Your next door neighbor could have a gun. They could be gunning down for you at anytime. It's unprovable, but perceivably true that you neighbor is indeed capable of doing this. So you get yourself a semi-automatic shotgun, go to thier house, and pre-emptively kill them and their whole family. You kill their whole family because they could possibly attempt to seek revenge, so you are pre-emptively striking against them as well. Not an evil deed, just seeking to protect yourself. And, since there is no one left to claim their house, you might as well considering they are all dead and won't be using it anyway, right.

Pre-emptive strikes...against the law...and the fact that they are actually being discussed should disgust every single person on earth, but most...it just goes over their heads because they've been programmed to think so. So they watch and don't consider the crimes that their fellow human beings are committing admittedly so right in front of our fucking faces. Amazing. Sad. True. PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKES...AGAINST THE LAW! No one seems to care. We're America and our government can and will do whatever the fuck they want. Just ask an Indian. Legally...all of this is still our land, according to your laws and ours. The law, the U.S. government says FUCK THE LAW! WE'LL DO WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WANT! And so far, (key words so far), they are getting away with it.

Things are changing. I can see it.

A must read story about the Hidatha Massacre by American Marines on November 15, 2005, my Marjorie Cohn.

http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/053006J.shtml

Four Star Marine Corps General, Smedley Darlington Butler, would, in my opinion knowing what I do of the man that had stopped the fascist overthrow of the U.S. government in '35 and passed away in '41, would request the maximum penalty for the behavior of his men, but would also take it all the way to the top, in my opinion. But as we all know, it all leads directly to those people who head Americas most lethal corporations. And the rich always seem to be forgiven by the amount of money they created by the oppression and death of others.

Time for a Revolution. Time to change the whole fucking world.

We stopped for breakfast in the casino of a half dead town in the Nevada desert as we headed to the city of death. I don't recall how the conversation came up, but I informed my companions that I want everything back. All of it. Everything.

Rhonda and I were the only Indians in our group of six, and when I stated this, the conversation went immediately to deportations. I never said anything about deportations. I never say anything about deportations. Never. But when I tell non-indigenous peoples this, they conversation immediately goes to deportation.

"What about me?" I will never forget those words of that white boy of privilege at Reed College during the question and answer period of Ward Churchill's speech there over a year ago. "What about me?" No one asked what we could do about that crazy piece of shit Madeline Albright who stated that it was an acceptable loss that 5,000 children a month were dying from preventable diseases caused by the United States first illegal war and the continuation of their muders under the Clinton administration. Ward brings this up in every speech, and they said nothing about this genocidal maniac and the murders that Madeline Albright is complicit in. "What about me?" was the best those highly educated white boys from families of wealth could come up with from the information handed them by Ward Churchill. "What about me?"

Whenever I tell people I want it all back, if they aren't Indian, it comes down to "What about me?" Not: "What about what's right?" "How can we make things right?" It is never that. It is ALWAYS: "What about me?"

What about the homeless in the streets?

What about the starving and dying on reservations?

What about the high cancer rates on reservations caused by mining for the wealth of already wealthy white men?

What about the continued genocide of indigenous peoples in this nation and nations all over the world?

NOPE!

WHAT ABOUT ME?

The desert at the test site is rocky. Lots of stones and crystals. Lots of rose quartz and stones with quartz crystals. Yucca plants. Joshua trees(?). Little barrel cacti. We saw a dead rat/rodent and this made us wonder. It was decayed, but nothing had eaten it. Makes one think. Corbin would later talk about how animals would be running or flying away damaged from the nuclear bomb tests.

I had asked several people of the testing was done right over there, across the distance near the feet of the mountain range on the other side of the road, and I was told yes, but it didn't make sense to me that they would do it right out there in the open like that. After Corbin Harney and the Shoshone representation showed up, I asked one of them. "They test about 5-10 miles on the other side of that mountain range," it was explained to me. That made sense.

The Peace Camp was on the other side of the road from the nuclear bomb test site. Butted up against the hills was a tiny city in the distance. Various structures that seemed randomly enacted all over the valley on the other side of the road. I kept looking under the underpass at the other side where the entrance to the city of death was. After our camp was set up and we connected with the larger group, I told Rhonda I wanted to walk up and see the gate.

Having thought I wouldn't need a coat in the desert (hahahaha), I wrapped in a blanket, and Rhonda and I headed under the underpass toward the gate. I didn't know what to expect as neither of us had been there before. There is no actual gate there. It is an opening for a two lane road that leads down the distance of a couple of miles to the tiny city of death. Between the metal fence posts on the opposite sides of the road is a white line painted on the asphalt. On the other side of the line on the right hand side is a metal shack that looks like an old manufactured home. There were several men standing by an SUV out in front, two in uniform. Rhonda and I went right up to the line and stopped and prayed with tobacco as one of the soldiers fingered his weapon making us aware of his willingness to kill his unarmed fellow Americans.

A sign on the opposite side of the road stated that the Nevada Test Site was operated by Bechtel Corporation. A bomb test means millions or billions of dollars in free tax payer money to wealthy white men that run these corporations.

BECHTEL RUNS THE NEVADA TEST SITE!
THAT IS BECHTEL CORPORATION!

The next morning we were awakened to the drum. I was dreaming and I heard someone telling me to come play with the drum. The drum was calling me to play. Rhonda and I went to dance with others who had already gathered around that kindly old man, Corbin Harney, as he sang honorings to the morning sun for yet another day. Soon the handful of people turned into about 40 or 50 people dancing in a circle hand in hand until the sun rose over the mountains.

Before the big event from 11-2, Rhonda suggested we load our chanunpas and pray at the line. We asked Corbin and Carrie Dann for their permission and they told us that whatever we can do. We loaded our pipes and emerged from our tent to immediate ridicule from out co-peace conspirators. We walked down to the line by ourselves. rhonda suggested praying in the middle of the road. The idea scared me at first, but then she explained it to me that we had permission from two Shoshone elders to pray on their land.

We got to the line, knelt in front of it on a scarf she had brought, and before we could start praying, a Nevada Sheriff approached us from the other side of the line. There were more military security there than from the day before. "I'm just here to protect you," he said as we knelt before the line. "I'm gonna make sure no one runs you over." He guided a few cars through that had come up from behind us.

We started making our prayers when the cop said, "You're only smoking legal stuff, right?" I said yes, and Rhonda stated, "that's a rather ethnocentric question to ask, isn't it?"

As we made our prayers, I noticed the shadows of our pipes were on the other side of the line. As we prayed, there was all sorts of ridicule coming form the members of the military. I prayed for them because I know that often there are spiritual consequences for such behavior. I've seen it. I know that people often are not aware of the connection even when karma comes to visit for actions or inactions. So I prayed for those men as well. Prayed for their protection and health as they are working in one of the most radiated places on earth.

Prayer is an important thing, and there is not enough prayer done over places such as this. Prayers for the healing of the land, of the people that work there, for the return of the land to the Shoshone people.

We smoked our pipes to the ridicule from our fellow Americans, as it were, and got up. We shook the hand of the cop and thanked him. His name is Alan. I tried to shake the hand of one of the military personell and he was scared enough of me to not want to touch me. Undoubtedly he had a willingness to kill me and Rhonda, his fellow Americans. I could feel it from his soul. He would say he is willing to kill to protect our freedom, he is also willing to kill us because we scare him. Brave enough to kill unarmed people. People armed only in prayer. I learned important lessons at that line. Odd that we were ridiculed at both ends of our journey.

The big rally was to the left side of the gate on the desert floor. There were only 100-150 people there. Rhonda and I listened to a few of the speeches, then went back to tear down our camp. Then we heard of the civil disobedience of people crossing the line. Many arrests were made. Rhonda witnessed a child who was crying as his mother was arrested, and released a little later, much to the childs relief. Carrie Dann was arrested, and by the time we all left, I believe she was still refusing release along with her lawyer, Julie.

We hid the road, and it is so odd, this desert area. Many of the towns are dead or partially dead. Abandoned of the life that was intended to remain and colonize. Only remnants. Broken buildings, abandoned factories, vehicles abandoned and rusting from years of not being used. Big dump trucks rusting and dying or dead in the desert. We stopped at a rest area in a small town, and it was the only thing alive there. I walked to the edge of the road and looked at all the abandoned homes just on the other side of the street. I was confused and awed by this crazy spectacle.

The first town we came to that was semi-alive is Hawthorne, which also had some abandoned buildings and vehicles, but was mostly alive with life we didn't see a whole lot of. Hawthorne, Nevada is home of the Naval Warfare Center. Naval Warfare right there in the middle of the desert, just South of Walker Lake. It is a town of the military industry and its towns decorations consist of unused bomb heads and its playground at the rest area is "twin 50's" from a naval ship. The towns decorations is weaponry, out there in the middle of the desert, in the middle of an ammunition dump, where, though there were apparent signs of life, very little human life was seen. Fucking crazy, man!

And, after another 18 hour journey, we were home. This time without the snow storm in the mountains. And I'm here to offer a message from Corbin..."They only understand numbers." Get out there and do what you can. The more people who resist the insanity of this cult of death and destruction, the better chance we can change the world. Do what you can. Support where you can. You...are the savior of the world. You are the prayers for the seventh generation and beyond. You are the prayer for the generations RIGHT NOW! We can do this folks. We can end the crazy killing that is wafare...I have seen it!

I will probably do this in several posts as I am currently really exhausted.

Heading down to the test site, we stopped at a hot springs Peter Brugell knew of. I had never been in one, and oddly, I wasn't uncomfortable being naked in front of all of these peopel and a couple of strangers who were already in the springs.

Then, as we headed through the hills toward the California border, blizzard conditions of snow. It's late May, at it is snowing like it is mid winter. It is snowing so hard, Peter, who was driving throughout most of the first night, could not see well enough to notice he is completely in the oncoming lane. But we made it safely through all of that. And me, being a fool, thought I wouldn't need a coat, so I didn't bring one, and neither did one other person on the trip, who also thought the same thing.

We arrived at the site around, I don't remember what time. Early afternoon, late morning. I have not been good with time on this trip and am currently somewhat delirious with the little sleep that I have had this last night, but that is later in the story.

The wind was so intense that it took all six of us to put up one tent, and then, damage was done to it. Six of us, and a few volunteers from the relatively few people already there.

Corbin Harney and his troop showed up and there were about 20 or more people helping set up there tent in the intense wind. I kid you not, folks, it was so windy as to almost knock us over several times with the whole lot of us attempting to keep this tent from being blown over. Too delerious to continue this at the moment. Exhaustion is setting in. Only had a co Nuple of hours sleep coming home last night and it has been a fantastic and odd journey and the whole story must be told.

So you know, and one thing I will offer at the moment, a message from that wise old Shoshone Elder...We need more people. Any of these events, folks, the only thing the government will listen too, as Corbin so truly put it, is numbers. It took 40,000 to stop the testing in Russia, it will take that and more to stop the testing and making of these horrific weapons. Any of these events, if you can get there, or pray for us/them. We really need the help of one and all.

Carrie Dann was arrested along with a bunch of others, but I'll have to talk about that later. All is well, however.

John Trudell was at PSU last night and was preceded by the documentary made about his life and the life of his former wife, Tina Manning Trudell. Tina, who was pregnant, their two children, and Tina's mother was allegedly murdered in a housefire started just 12 hours after John Trudell burned a flag on the steps of the Federal FBI building. Tina was a big activist herself.

John took questions afterward and basically stated we all need to deprogram our minds. We have the power to change the world, each and everyone of us, and John did a great job to get people to think about what their personal power is and how to bring up that potential within ourselves and share it with the world to bring about change. I gave John and Dino Butler a copy of my book, "Tremble In Fear Before the Soft Pudgy Indian."

John is a good man with a big heart and a desire to change the world. He explained how this society takes the "being" out of "human being." But, we still have it. We still posess our "being," we just need to use it. As genocidal maniac, L. Frank Baum might say, "...all you have to do is click your heels three times..."

Today, I'll be heading to the Nevada Test Site for the protests this weekend. I've never done anything quite like this, and it is very exciting. I have no idea what will happen or the particular actions that are going to take place, but I look forward to seeing Carrie Dann again. Awesome tiny woman with a HUGE SOUL that she is. So, I doubt I'll be writing anything more on here until Tuesday, or such, and then be gone for another weekend. I think the break will be nice.

A friend told me that the article in the Wilamette Week was about how the man on the cover is having a hard time getting back into society. FUCK THAT SHIT! Mind you, I know these things don't happen in a vacuum. These behaviors are learned. Most child rapes are done by people the child knows and most of those are done by FAMILY MEMBERS. It is a societal problem that the government has no real desire to deal with because it seriously fucks up a large part of the population...and you know what...I think I'm done talking about this for now!

I have a nice red Che hat. I love the thing. It was almost blown off as I journeyed across the Burnside Bridge this morning. The river looks very beautiful and it is all rainy out, and I Love it.

Don't forget, each and everyone of you has the power to save the world. Do what you can. What else are you gonna do? Sit around and watch TV. Might as well start an unarmed Revolution! What are you waiting for?

On the cover of the Willamette Week is a man who is a child molester. I can't look, I can't read, but at the same time, I can't avoid because the fucking rag is in eyeshot no matter where I go and I can't wait for next week when he'll be gone from my sight. No breakdowns, which is good. I had a series of breakdowns triggered by a similar event last year. They lasted three days, off and on. So, for those of you who don't understand these type of things, maybe you haven't experienced such a thing, but I know the stats and know many of you have.

I'll talk about this on my terms and my terms only. I can sometimes discuss it on my blog. I can sometimes discuss it with strangers. Most of you will never know the details. DO NOT ask me about it. It was used as a weapon of abuse by my last wife who brought it up every fucking day for which I will probably never forgive her for. Don't ask me, and don't ask anyone you know this has happened too about it. It should only be done on their own terms, and they may never say a word about it to you nor about how they feel about it or how it effects their everyday life...because it effects their everyday life.

Here, I am brave enough to hand you this bit of information on me on a public forum because, if it aint happened to you, you need to know about this shit. You need to know how to conduct yourself around issues of physical and psychological trauma because, the pain never ends for the victims and no, we can't "just get over it." It's been 37 years, and there is not a day that goes by that I don't feel it. Some of the pain heals. Some heals and comes back, sometimes even worse. It is something I have to deal with. Something I have to live with. It is like my breath. No! This is not the victim mentality, it is the FUCKING TRUTH!

I probably wouldn't even be writing this to you were it not for the fact that no matter where I walk, I HAVE TO SEE THAT FUCKING FACE ON THE COVER OF THE WILLAMETTE WEEK! Willy Week is everywhere, and seeing the cover makes me feel uncomfortable, a trigger. It's in my fucking face just like my ex-wife was in using it against me. I can't escape, and maybe others can get something good from that article about that fucking piece of shit rapist, so I don't throw those rags away or turn them over or even touch them if I can avoid it, other than the first time when I picked it up and read the headline.

So far I'm doing well. I'm sure there are reasons for my doing well, and no DON'T FUCKING ASK!

Rule #1! DON'T FUCKING ASK! DON'T BRING IT UP! NOT JUST TO ME, BUT TO ANYONE WHO MAY HAVE SUFFERED SUCH TRAUMA!

When I was in my 20's, I had a fascination with asking Vietnam Vets about their experience, trying to understand what they went through. I learned an important lesson when a friend of mine went off on me about it. "DON'T ASK ME ABOUT THIS FUCKING SHIT! IT FUCKING HURTS!"

If I know you, I might talk to you about it. I may even bring it up in front of an audience, to people in private conversations, but I will bring it up on my terms...OR NOT! DON'T ASK! And it is the same for everyone else that has been traumatized. Don't ask, even if you know. People will bring it up on their own terms, or they won't. If they don't, then it is none of your fucking business.

I tell you these things for your benefit and for the benefit of those you Love and those who may have been raped in their childhood or otherwise or otherwise traumatized. For our health, and your health, don't ask, because...when I get up from this computer, I know somewhere at this radio station...I'll be seeing the cover of the Willamette Week, and it is triggering something in me, and I don't like it.

Hey folks, at least those of you who have my phone number. I just got a message from Verizon to call them, and as I currently have an outrageous phone bill and no money to pay it, I think it will be shut off soon. There goes a line of communication, but that's OK. There are other ways to communicate. I'll eventually get them paid off and get it back up, but right now...I believe it is going to be a gonner until I get myself a jobby-job or my book becomes a best-seller...whicheveer comes first, enit!

I have 50 new copies of my book, "Tremble In Fear Before the Soft Pudgy Indian."

I almost can't believe it! It has been so damned fucking long.

After a year of work, I got the first 50 copies of my book which went fairly quickly. Then 200 new copies were printed, and when my publisher finally opened the boxes, he discovered they were printed with the pages out of sequence, and we wound up having a falling out, and I seriously believed I would never have another one of these books in print, but here it is.

Not only do I have 50 copies of my book, I have the disk in which to print more when needed. Here I must sing great praises to Janice Leber who made this new printing possible.

THANK YOU, JANICE!

I don't believe this. I don't believe this!

I'm selling them for $12 each, three dollars less than the first print because these were done cheaper, but they are so cute and I feel better about these than I do the first printing. If you wish to purchase a book, contact me at kbooindian@yahoo.com.

The following is my favorite review of my book:

"...I can tell you the following about your words:
- you made me cry
- you made me feel so pissed off about all the injustices indigenous minorities have to cope with
- you made me feel treasured as a woman
- you reinforced hope ... because there will always someone who is not afraid to say it how it is
- you made me feel even more proud that I am Native ... even more proud that I am one of a people with a unique history, unique traditions, unique language, unique way-of-being
- you let me know that I am not alone
- you said it your way ... simplespeak ... I felt as though we were just sitting comfortably around a fire and sharing thoughts."

--Kelly Martin, Maori Superwoman

Sometimes it just takes a little conversation with a friend to bring one's perspective back into balance. In the midst of my rage, it is hard to keep perspective, it is difficult to see things clearly, it is hard to see things rationally.

There are tender points in my soul. The rape of my fellow indigenous humans at the hands of the imperialist invaders. The very real knowledge that many of my fellow indigenous peoples in Canada have the potential to be murdered en masse by the imperialist forces of canada. The knowledge that indigenous ancestors buried in the earth are not seen as human, but as archaeological remains for science to rape. The fact that the same forces that destroyed the cultures that archaeology claims to be studying, wouldn't need to rape our ancestors had their imperialist representatives not committed genocide against our peoples and destroyed so much that our last connections to our mothers need to be raped from the earth and stuck in boxes. It hurts when I try to explain my perspective only to have it poo-pooed and not being asked why I believe certain ways. To know that forced poverty on reservations and in the streets is going to continue unabated (violations of human rights).

The Kennewick Man case is such a tender spot for me, so let me clarify a few of my points because, my points are often just pushed aside because science is seen as superior to my alleged reactionary behavior.

It is a common belief amongst indigenous peoples everywhere that we belong where our ancestors are buried. Archaeology in this nation has been used as a tool of genocide. By removing our dead, they imperialist powers are attempting to remove our connection to our land. By stating as scientific fact that we are immigrants (without any "real" proof), it legitimizes the imperialist genocidal invasion of our lands. By saying that various indigenous groups invaded each others lands (usually at the encouragement of the imperialist invaders) that it legitimizes the imperialist invasion and genocide. Archaeology's predecessor, phrenology (sp?), was created in order to prove the superiority of white men above all other groups of humans. All of this IS documented if one would simply choose to look into it.

Jaime Chatters, whose Ph.D is NOT in archaeology or anthropology, did NO science at the site. All he did was dig up the remains, most of which were already exposed, of the human being currently known as Kennewick Man. The arrow point is assumed to be from an ancient style of point. It seems to be alleged that different arrow head makers all make the same style of point and only during certain ages of time. There is still no site report submitted, a felony. Chatters did no science at the site. He just removed bones. No photos, no drawings, no careful digging, no submitting of artifacts that were laying around, no soil samples, nothing science done other than removal of bones.

Chatters also went outside the pervue of his permit and removed 4 or 5 other sets of remains. Each of these is a felony according to the law.

The Corps of Engineers issued the permit retroactively by two days because Chatters had already removed the remains of Kennewick Man, a felony. He removed the bones without using any form of science at the site, a felony, and the permit he was issued was issued retroactively, a felony.

When one is issued an archaeological permit in this area, there are five tribes that have to be informed so the proper information that one has to have a certain security clearance for has to be looked into. The tribes have to come up with a case for or against, information about the burials that are known in the area but kept secret because of "pot hunters." Indian artifacts and bones are big business, especially in Europe. So these sites are kept as secret as possible. The tribes know of some as well as they are recorded in secured documents in posession of the government. None of the processes were followed, nor could they have been because, as stated, the permit was issued retroactively. All of these are felonies.

Chatters, not having a degree in archaeology, believed Kennewick Man to be non-indigenous to the area. When he got the dating report back of some 9400 years of age, he got very excited. While watching "Star Trek: Next Generation," he say Patrick Stewart and said, "...there's my Kennewick Man." That was his science in deciding that Kennewick Man was "white."

The greater scientific community accepted without question, seemingly, that Chatters allegations of science were sound, all without looking into site reports. Why didn't they look into Chatters scientific site reports? Because, as of this very moment, none have been submitted.

According to scientific journals, radio carbon dating is highly inaccurate especially when a site has high levels of radiation or carbon. The site were Kennewick man was stolen from is down river from a leaky Hanford Nuclear Reservation. The Columbia is the second most radiated river in the world, second only to the river that runs through Chernobyl. This does have an effect on the dating system, but when I confronted that Chatters who is as self-glorifying as Paul Watson (head of the Sea Shepherd Society), and asked if it is true (which, according to scientific journals and books I've read on the science of archaeology) that radio carbon dating is inaccurate especially with the presence of radiation, he simply told me, "no," without any explanation. When I continued to push him with scientifically valid questions, he refused to take questions from me any further. As well, I should point out here, that Kennewick Man's bones were "discovered" by some young men as they sat on the shores of the Colmubia as they were watching boat races. Boats have engines and are frequent in the area. What is it that combustion engines spit out into the water and air as exhaust? Carbon. My arguments were simply dismissed without question.

So much of the scientific question were shat upon by Chatters. So much of the scientific puzzle were poo-pooed and pissed upon by alleged scientist, Chatters. And scientists continue to take his "discovery" at face value without scientific questioning. Chatters work is simply taken as fact without any exploration of his methods, without any of Chatters site reports (because there are none), without any soil samples (because there are none). No science was done at the site. None.

Here, I will also let you know why there is alleged to be only between 800,000 and 900,000 Indians in North America at the time of Columbus. The scientific method used by Kroeber to come up with this number was this: there simply couldn't have been that many people here at the time of Columbus. Despite the testimony of the likes of de Las Casas, Pizarro, Columbus, and other documented assholes of the time, there could have only been less than a million, because, well, the scientist Kroeber said so, that's why. This, of course, also lightens the blow of the extent of the genocide enacted upon indingenous nations by its imperialist invaders and creates a more simplistic less than civilized picture of pre-Imperialist Invader society in North America. Too simplistic to create a large population base and therefore lightening the blow of the genocidal fact.

Should one look beyond the "mystery sheen" on the surface of archaeology, one will discover a science that is so polluted as to be almost useless other than a tool for genocide justification. I am told that we Indians have only been here for 11,000 years, and then I'm told that some of the mounds built by humans in the Eastern U.S. are dated at 140,000 years. But no one was here to build them. I'm told by demographics experts that for the variety of langauges that existed prior to the Euro Invasion it would have taken at least 125,000 years to create, but there were only people here for 11,000 years according to science.

I've also heard and read about scientists being forcably pushed out of the scientific heirarchy and their careers being destroyed when they find sites that challenge then 11,000 year limit.

So, this issue is a very sensitive one to me, because like those scientists whose careers are ruined when they find sites that challenge the 11,000 year limit, I am just pushed aside as being anti-science and without question. No one asks why I've come to my conclusions, it is simple to dismiss me as being connected to the ancestors scientists choose to rape out of my land. I'm seen as a simple minded layman for only having a high school education and no further. And my voice is not heard by the people who believe in science because of these reasons, and nothing more. My information is seen as invalid. And my ancestors are continually raped from the earth by men of science. I can only assume that believers in science believe that I should just bend over and take it in the ass like when I was raped as a child. Take it without question as believers in science take science without question.

How is that for a simplistic explaination of why it pisses me off so much when those who beleive in science will not accept my knowledge. When I present facts, they are simply dismissed with a roll of the eyes because I don't believe in science. I like to look at the whole picture of science myself. I don't accept a narrow view like the accepted 11,000 limit of Indians being here on the Great Turtle Island.

So, there is my calm hearted explanation of why I get so pissed off when believers in science just poo-poo my knowledge without even asking whay information I have. They just accept science as the end all and be all and they don't have to listen to me because I'm uneducated, Indian, and don't believe in science as it is practiced by the imperialist invaders. It hurts, and is designed to hurt, just like rape in my heart.

[sounds like things are calming down a bit in Caledonia, but don't know for sure]

"Don't trust anyone who isn't angry." --John Trudell

My name is Eugene Douglas Johnson. My spirit name is He Who Laughs A Lot. Anyone who knows anything about spirit names understand that the name also encompasses the counter balance. It encompasses the whole.

I not only laugh a lot, I am also very serious and sometimes very angry. I have made peace with my anger. It is my friend.

My anger is a reaction to situations that cause me pain. It hurts me, for example, when I try to have discussions with liberal white males about things like archaeology. When I discuss the LACK of science around Kennewick Man and state facts, it is simply assumed that since I don't have the proper distance from the situation to be considered a simple scientific observer, then I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. Other things I have going against me is I'm a Red Nigger defending a Red Nigger grave. I'm also self educated which is inferior to institutional education, so what the fuck do I know. So, with the roll of the eyes and a simple dismissal, my arguments and discussions can be easily dismissed. Archaeologists can get away with raping Indian graves because, well, they belong to archaeologists and not a bunch of inferior unscientific Red Niggers.

It hurts when I explain to people that genocide is still happening against indigenous nations right here, right now! This, too, is simply dismissed with a racially superior wave of the hand of people who have NEVER read the UN Convention on the Prevenention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide. No matter how well I explain to them the act of genocide, I am simply supposed to "get over it" so the white masters can continue to get away with their crimes. Mind you, when I spout off in anger about these issues, you will also hear me laugh and joke.

I used to participate in a forum on childhood sexual abuse on the internet. I would often bring up institutionalized child rape in Indian Boarding Schools, and since it isn't happening as much, I was asked one time by a fellow childhood rape victim why I don't "just get over it." I put it this way to her: "You were raped, what?, 20 years ago. Just get over it." It hit home with her and suddenly she understood.

The Institutional rape of indigenous peoples, cultures, languages, art, politics, religion, lives, education, sacred sites, etc., continues to this day, right now. The slaughter has yet to end. It takes on many different forms.

The World Trade Centers were destroyed almost 5 years ago...just get over it. I was raped 37 years ago, I should just get over it. My fellow Indians are continually being raped by non-Indians and their fellow Indians, once the dick is pulled out of their ass or cunt, the victims should just get over it.

I shouldn't be angry. I shouldn't be angry about anything. I, for some reason, am supposed to be above all of this. I, for some reason, am supposed to just smile and laugh (which I will do anyway everyday of my life/laugh) and not be outraged by what is happening. My anger makes people feel uncomfortable. My anger is an expression of my pain, my hurt. I shouldn't express my pain and hurt that way. I should express it in ways that make people feel comfortable with the fact that the pain delivered to my soul and body and culture are not reacted to with "mother fuckers" or "cracker assholes" or "pieces of shit." I should be thankful to the person who fucked me in the ass when I was five. I should be thankful for the racist citizenry attacking the weakest links in Caledonia. I should be thankful for the old man and baby murdered in Oka. I should be thankful for the rein of terror in the '60's and '70's on reservations in the U.S. I should be thankful for the forced poverty on reservations. I should be thankful for the racist comments of "just get over it" or "pull yourself up from your bootstraps."

However, in my inferior Red Nigger way, I am not thankful for the genocide and oppression of my people and other indigenous peoples by imperialist invaders who steal EVERYTHING from us including our languages, cultures, and lives. I am an ungreatful Red Nigger Piece of Fucking Shit. I am allied with other ungrateful Red Nigger Pieces of Fucking Shit. I am allied with Crackers, Niggers, Towel Heads, Bitches, Faggots, Chinks, Nips, White Trash, Punks, etc. I am creating alliances all across the board because my allies and I want the world to be a good one for ALL human beings, not just the Imperialst fucks who will murder, rape, kill, and oppress to steal everything from us and do what is necessary to keep themselves from ever facing justice for the crimes they commit against one and all.

Anger...Anger and I...Anger and I...We're allies. We're friends. I express my anger when I am hurt, just like most everyone else.

There is a big call going out for the military to get involved in what is happening in Caledonia. I have put out an emergency phone call to Leigh Anne to try to get in contact with Jacqueline House about what is happening. Seems the citizens are ready to get themselves some Red Niggers just like all those cracker fuck stone throwing chicken shits at Oka that murdered an elder and a baby in the name of the great god of inconvenience. There again, aint nothin' but a bunch of Red Nigger Graves being desecrated. Not like they're human beings. Those bones belong to white liberal male archaeologists who make profits from their fucking inbred grant system.

I will not apologize for being angry anymore! THIS IS ALL FUCKING BULLSHIT!

You see, I just got off the phone with my Blackfoot Brother, Jim, and he informed me that the fucking Canadian piece of shit racist government has forced themselves onto the Blackfoot reservations in Alberta and are imposing their laws upon a sovereign Blackfoot Nation! The white masters are coming to finish us off!

I will be having Jim Craven on the next radio show on Thursday from 1:30 to 3:00pm PST. We are also attempting to get John Trudell, Jacqueline House, and Dino Butler.

Seems a transformer was taken out, and the cracker assholes on the site given by Mikhelle in the comments of a previous post are blaming it on the Indians. It is so simple. RACIST FUCKS! They seem to be gearing up to kill themselves some Red Niggers up there, and I am PISSED THE FUCK OFF!

Does my anger scare you? What about how those Six Nations people feel as they are protecting their land and the graves...ooops...I mean, archaeological remains that belong to liberal white male archaeolgoists...WHAT A BUNCH OF DISRESPECTFUL PIECES OF FUCKING SHIT!

But I'm not supposed to be angry as all of this shit happens all around me and cracker ass mother fuckers will tell me how it is. Tell me the superiority of their science and systems to the limited inferior and primitive behaviors of us Red Niggers.

OK, OK, OK... I have to take a breath and leave this here at the moment. Knowing that some of my indigenous brothers and sisters are about to be murdered because a bunch of racist cracker fucks are being inconveniced by the legal actions of the Six Nations people. I guess I should just run around with a big smile on my face as more of our nations get raped by the truly righteous white male system. Right now, it is a little fucking difficult.

It's beginning to look a lot like Oka, the fucking racist pieces of shit!

http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2006/05/339803.shtml

Seems there is a potential battle rearing its head at the Six Nations occupation of their part of Caledonia.

Seems the residents of the area are taking action against the Indians who are occupying what is legally their lands. What I've heard is that they have created a blockade between the occupiers and their entrance in and out. They have prevented an ambulance from getting in. Personally, I see this as an attack.

The Canadian media is spinning this as the fault of the Indians, of course. If anyone knows anything about this area of Canada, they are the most racist fucking assholes against Indians up there.

Graves are being desecrated, but then again, there isn't too much care about the graves of Red Niggers anywhere in North and South America anymore other than the people whose deceased are being raped by the civilization that has done its best to destroy us all as a people.

Leigh Anne and I will be interviewing Jacqueline House at 1pm PST and it should be aired on KBOO news at 5pm this evening.

If any of you are able to get a convoy to go up there and help out the occupiers of their own lands who are trying to protect the graves of their ancestors as well, you may want to think about doing that now.

I pray that the actions do not get violent. I pray we don't have another Oka on our hands.

"...tell me how many more must be lost to the Indian wars."

At the ceremony this weekend, I met a man who seemed vaguely familiar by the name of Tim, but a lot of us Indians look alike (hahahahaha). There was also a Beautiful wonderful elder woman who seemed familiar. I was talking with Rhonda when Tim came up and joined us. Rhonda mentioned to Tim that I had Sundanced but have not completed my commitment. The man asked where I danced. Asked if the soil there was black and cracked (I don't recall black cracked soil, but then again...). He asked who the moderator was. I told him it was the last Sundance where Martin High Bear was the moderator. He then informed me he was the man running the dance. Holy...Wow...then the memories started flooding in. The vibrant and Beautiful elder woman was one of the few people to complete all four days, and I started remembering a little of her as well. I remembered Tim (he pinned me to the tree). It was the hardest dance he had ever been too. I remember during the ceremony he talked great praise of the Beautiful elder woman and mentioned the fact she was very powerful and he had seen her work and knew what she was capable of because of that dance.

On the second day, I went into convulsions and decided to complete my dance early. When one dances, the commitment is for four years. I have only danced once, and that was 11 years ago. I have three years to go, but because of abusive marriages and the bullshit I went through with the man who sponsored me, I have set that commitment aside, convincing myself that I'm completing my dance in a different fashion. Now, however, because of all this Beautiful serendipity, I am again considering dancing again. I am considering completing my commitment. I will NOT be doing it this summer because I am no where near prepared mentally or physically. I think I will support a couple of dances during the next summer or two and then in two years, dance again. We will see, however. I have to start making those prayers, listening to spirit, talking with potential sponsors, go up on the mountain again, etc.

A whole lot of my life since my daughter came into my life has fallen into my lap: radio show, tv show, book, etc. I'm feeling like this is yet another piece of my life falling into my lap. Holy cow! Life is interesting! Life is Good!

Many blessings to all of you and all that you Love!

The "Mystery Sheen" was indeed caused by a truck wreck. The body was found and recovered this weekend. I've been trying to find the article about this person that I read in the Sunday Oregonian, but could not find it on the internet. A couple were jogging on the East Side Walkway and discovered the body floating in the water and called the police. He was identified as the man the missing persons report was made of in Canby, Oregon.

Last night, I watched "Crash" for the first time. The instutionalized racism in the movie was amazing and interesting. Yes, it is practiced by all races, however, it is the liberal white males that piss me off the most. I shouldn't let them have that power over me, but I am a human being. So, let me tell you a little story of some of the institutionalized racism I've experienced today, and explain where the anger side of me toward the Liberal White Male Racists has come from.

Today I went to breakfast with Rhonda and her two kids, 21 and 23. We were all talking and having a good ole time when I noticed that everyone was getting silent. I asked what was going on, and her son said there was a conversation at a table a little ways from ours of a man who steals Native American artifacts from around the Columbia River. I started listening, and he was telling his friends how easy it was and no one bothers him about it. He was a white man. He had a couple of children, so they, too, are learning that this behavior is OK in the terms of the greater cultural society. The man, I overheard, was also talking of how he had taken bones from sites as well. Illegal, but who cares. He is robbing the graves and cultural sites of a bunch of Red Niggers, and besides, like my seventh grade social studies teacher told my whole class, "there are no real Indians left." As this man was leaving, he had to walk right past me. I turned and stared at the cracker ass mother fucking piece of grave robbing shit. He looked me in the eye, and then quickly away. As he was passing by, Rhonda, a fellow Coastal, spoke outloud, "artifacts should be left alone." Her son got up and followed the man outside, I followed the son to keep him out of trouble.

You see, I've never claimed to be a pacifist, but I know the reality of the situation. I know if I acted out in violence, it would do nothing to change the heart of the asshole grave robbing cracker ass piece of fucking shit. The cops in that particular part of town are known to do things like kill black men for failure to use a turn signal. I know the violence the white system is capable of against red nigger pieces of shit like Eli and I.

But you see, this man's behavior is not considered racist. This man would defend his racism as being perfectly fine and normal. This is perfectly acceptable behavior in this institutionally racist society. Digging up Red Nigger graves and sacred sites is perfectly acceptable. Displaying sacred and cultural objects on peoples walls and in museums and selling them on the black market is perfectly acceptable, because, as my seventh grade social studies teacher told my whole class and knowing I am Red Nigger, "there are no real Indians left."

My anger toward liberal white males who already know everything so never have to question their racist arrogant behaviors or question anything about themselves or what they believe has been with me for a long time.

Recently, I got to witness a white liberal male peace activist be verbally abusive to his former girlfriend. His abusieve behavior, though not peaceful at all, is perfectly acceptable in his version of peace because he is in his own eyes the perfect form of a peace activist and therefore anything outside of his version of peace is not peace. I have also witnessed a liberal white male vegan animal rights activist be abusive to his girlfriend. All of this is OK because they are white/right and do not have to question their privilege or racism because those things are their instutional rights to bear.

My anger started with a Ph.D candidate in archaeology through Washington State University about 10 years ago, that, too, about Kennewick Man. After discussions where the facts I presented about the case were simply dismissed because science is perceived superior above all. Archaeology was created to discover why White Men were so racially superior to all other races (notice I didn't mention women because women were and are perceived as property of White Men).

Turns out that radio carbon dating is highly inaccurate, like previously stated. It has dated flesh from a freshly killed seal at over 600 years of age, and a living tree at over 12,000 years. Instead of trying to fix these glitches in this system of dating, they are just simply accepted as fact. In the case of Kennewick Man, his body was exhumed from the edge of the Columbia and was already partially exposed...just down river from Hanford Nuclear Reservation where, radiation is leaking into the Columbia. The presence of radiation or high levels of carbon make Radio Carbon Dating highly inaccurate. This is OK, however, because it must be accurate because it is scientific. Don't look into these things, you just might find out this Red Nigger might be speaking some truth.

I also get angry at the arrogance that White Men display in the removal of Indian Graves. Another example, Memaloose Island in the Columbia up by Hood River. It was a grave site, and archaeologists were given permission to exhume, examine, and were supposed to return the remains in the same graves. NOPE! Instead, the head archaeologists white cracker piece of shit stole all but one of the bodies, the body of the white man. In the sign at the rest area just south of the island the lie is placed above the truth and it states that they were allowed to exhume the remains and bury them elsewhere. Odd, one of the Yakima women fighting to get those remains returned found the skull of one of her ancestors in a display case at a store along the Northern edge of the Columbia River. But that's OK, we aint nothing but a bunch of Red Niggers and therefore not human beings, so youz all can do what ever you want with our Red Nigger ancestors remains, right!? Science told you that you could.

I also hate it when Liberal White Men tell me that we lost our cultural and language and etc. We didn't Lose shit! It was stolen! It was taken by white privileged males. Our children were FORCED into boarding schools where they were beaten and tortured for committing the horrific crime of speaking their own language. One of my favorite stories is of when a strike at a girls school was headed by two young women 11 and 13. All of the kids refused to eat the food because it was so horrible, so they had a strike. They were gathered into a room. So the good liberal white male priest took a baseball bat and beat the fuck out of all the girls to prove that he was indeed the master. The two master minds of the strike did 3 and 6 months respectively in the school prison for Red Nigger Girls and subsisted on bread and water. So you see, we didn't LOSE anything, it was stolen! But all of this is acceptable in this society.

I shouldn't lose my temper in my opinion on these wonderful liberal white males who simply tell me I'm wrong because the great and beautiful science god is correct. When I expose truths about their science, I must be wrong because I'm a Red Nigger, and thus that doesn't give me the respectable distance when it comes to science where liberal white men are telling me, a Red Nigger, what my ancestry is all about. I should just take it up the ass like when I was raped at the age of five. Just fuck the Red Nigger kid a little harder and he'll shut his fat fucking mouth.

Another form of science is animal testing. Medical experiments were done on Indian kids because no one had to get permission to do it. And yes, Mother Fucker, it still happens today! Fuck you Very Much! Both of my adoptive Blackfoot parents had medical tests done to them in boarding schools. They had these odd marks on their backs that they were told were TB tests. After they asked the 10th doctor they visited what they were, he said they weren't TB tests, but were some sort of Christian symbol that meant they were guaranteed a place in hell when they die. Animal testing has done nothing in the last 30 years. However, it is still done. Animals go through horrific tortures in the name of science. Turns out that these guys just do bullshit studies to keep the grant money flowing. Have for some 30 years. But who gives a fuck! It's science, and therefore infallible. Animals and Red Niggers aren't human, and therefore it's OK to perform horrific acts on their bodies. One form of rape for another.

I don't even know why I talk with liberal white males about this. It has almost always been useless. Their racism is so entrenched it is an extention of who they are, and therefore is unquestionable and correct.

Have you read this far? Let me explain why I call myself Red Nigger and Whitey's Crackers and such. I'm am able to discuss my racism. I am able to tell you how I observe racism from my Red Nigger point of view. But liberal white males are so superior and smug in their arrogance and simple unquestionable belief that they are right, that nothing will change in this world. It is the foundation of overt racism. I get along better with KKK (lived two doors down from the local chapter in Aloha for a couple of years), Skinheads (commuted to work with one for about a year), Aryan Brotherhood (worked with some), etc. These guys are honest and forthright and I have been able to change a few of their hearts. I have not been able to the institutionally racist liberal white males heart, ever. I believe I mentioned in a previous post I changed the heart of a few, but was wrong. One guy was a "Right Wing Republican Racist" (self-proclaimed).

I have to be honest to all you liberal white male racists, this shit fucking HURTS! It's like being emotionally, culturally, racially stabbed. It fucking hurts because nothing, not even what I just wrote, will ever break that reinforced arrogance and superiority many of you carry. I lash out because to me, it's like being raped all over again, and quite honestly, I aint gonna take it. I know you wish I would just lay down and take it like a good little Red Nigger inferior, but it aint gonna happen. You can just go Fuck Yourself.

And yes, I am being abusive. However, your abuse of my culture, the abuse of my ancestors graves, the looking down at my people and people like me is all acceptable behavior because, honestly, you're liberal white males and that comes with the most powerful and fierce privilege in this society. I shouldn't be abusive because aint nothing going to work on you guys anyway. It has been my experience that you all already know everything in the world about us Red Niggers and so many other INFERIOR races anyway that any other information is nothing but bullshit to you and your great science god, so I don't have any idea why I just wasted my breath with all this fucking bullshit of a post.

Oh, and Hermes, my apology still stands. But I want to let you know, my Irish friend from Norhtern Ireland, the race also known as "The Niggers of Europe," told me I should take my apology back. In fact, she demanded it. But I wont take it back. She explained to me that all the shit I've had to put up with my whole fucking non-human Red Nigger life from privileged liberal white males is valid in my behavior when encountering one that won't listen to what I am saying. Like I said, and you may have already, you get to walk away from this anytime you want. Me, I get to live it the rest of my non-human inferior Red Nigger Life.

Hermes, I apologize to you and will explain to you where I am coming from.

You are NOT the first white man I have been abusive to because of certain behaviors that just drive me crazy.

You put words in my mouth by telling me that I want to get rid of all technology. You also told me that I want everything to return to its primitive state. So many times I have discussions/ arguments with white men telling me the same thing. They don't want to discuss the issues, they just want to let me know that this is how I feel. They don't ask me.

All but two of these men I've actually got to HONESTLY talk with me. I've shook their hands and we had become allies of a sort. However, it just pinches a nerve in me when people do that to me and won't discuss the issues at hand. Technology has many good qualities, but it is also used to kill.

All of these white men have simply looked down on my opinions because: 1) I'm only high school educated. 2) Because I'm an Indian and with that comes certain perceptions such as, wanting to be rid of technology, wanting to be primitive. All this ASSUMED without question. 3) all these white men are lefties. 4) all these white men refused to discuss the issue and come to a point of either agreement or agreeing to disagree, they just tell me that they know best, they know what I'm thinking without discussion, etc. 5) and so much more.

You are not the first to treat me in such a manner and defend it. I get treated like that in minor ways almost daily, and overtly by hundreds of white men. It gets tiring, and angering, and sometimes I become abusive because of it because it never ends.

It is, in my opinion, and I'm sure this will put fuel in the flames of our discussion if it continues, Institutionally Racist.

I really suggest you read the book "Autobiobraphy of a Blue-Eyed Devil," By Inga Muscio. She lost a friend herself because of her own unidentified institutional racism.

This, however, does not make it right for me to be abusive to you. I did not "just lose my temper." It is so frustrating because I know I'm going to have to deal with white men the rest of my life that I won't be able to work with because they will be telling me what I'm thinking without any real discussion because I'm seen as a lesser figure because of my anger. To me, it is like someone sticking me with a pin over and over. You either get used to it or ignore it, and sometimes, it's gonna get a reaction out of me because that is how these things happen.

Again, apologies, whether or not you accept them, but mind you, please, look at the way you told me things as well and don't just dismiss what I'm saying because I hurt you. I reacted, brother, because you hurt me, too. Listen, pay attention. I know I was abusive. I know that is something I have to deal with in dealing with people who treat me like you have. Simply dismissing my arguments because certain things are simply seen as superior without question. You didn't ask about the felonies Chatters enacted, you just dismissed me as being obstructive. And that is OK because you know a lot about science. I know a lot about the law.

We done hurt each other, and I hope I've explained how you've hurt me, and I know it was without intention. But you never asked, you simply told me how I feel, and you simply dismissed my arguments as inferior and reactionary. This will happen for the rest of my life because of who I am. It won't end. For the most part I control my temper around these issues, because I know what to look for and usually avoid these types of confrontations and let those white men learn in other manners. Sometimes, they catch me at the wrong time.

Institutional racism, to me, is so much worse that the overt stuff, like the KKK, Aryan Brotherhood, Skinheads. I know who I'm dealing with there. People who are institutionally racist are harder for me to deal with, especially white men. I communted peacefully with a skinhead for about a year. I've changed his heart about a few things. The numerous institutionally racist I have almost NEVER changed the hearts of.

If we were to meet in person, I'd shake your hand. We'd probably share a beer, and most likely we'd avoid this subject. You are so much more than a person who is institutionally racist. I don't know hardly a thing about you other than that. That is not a good way to present yourself.

My sincere apologies, and I will do my best to make ammends. If you would like to discuss these issues, I'm more than willing to talk and listen if you are. But don't tell me how I think or that I'm overstating things without asking questions.

I have to live in a world of white men telling me what to do on my own land every minute of my life until the moment I die no matter how old I live to be. That is NOT freedom.

I'll look into my abusive behavior toward institutionally racist white men. I will. I pray that you, too, will look into your institutionalized racism, and I suggest the book by Inga Muscio because she talks about how she lost a friend by treating her the same way you treated me. If not, that's OK too. I'm going to attempt to ignore the behavior of white men telling me what I'm thinking without even asking and looking down on me and my opinions because theres are correct without explanation.

I guess that's about it. Don't think your the first white man I did this to. Don't think your the last white man that will do that to me. Fuck, there are even guys here at KBOO that do it to me. Sometimes, the shit just builds up and someone more innocent than them pulls the trigger. I guarantee. You will be able to walk away from this at any point. I will face it when I walk out this door and feel it for the rest of my life until I die and so will future generations of Indians. Kind of pisses me off.

One of my favorite questions to ask people is, name a member of the crew that went with Lewis and Clark that isn't Sacajewea? Most cannot. In fact, I haven't met a single person that could. In fact, I am one of those people. I still cannot tell you the name of any of their crew members other than Sacajawea. I ask you...why do we only know the names of the wealthy white male characters in this alleged important event in American history.

The only reason Sacajawea's name is mentioned, I allege, is because the women's movement in the late part of the 19th and early 20th century clung to her as a symbol of female empowerment. A friend of mine, a Blackfoot, told me his daughter was once asked by a kindly white woman, "do you know who Sacajawea is?" His daughter corrected her pronunciation. After getting the pronunciation correct, the woman asked her the question again. She knew of Sacajawea and she told the kindly white woman, "yeah! She was a traitor!"

My friend and former co-host, head of the Economics Department at Clark College in Vancouver, Washington with full tenure and Solicitor General for the Blackfoot Traditional Government, Jim Craven, was asked to be on the Lewis and Clark Committee to honor only the two wealthy white men on that journey. At the initial meeting, Jim mentioned that Lewis and Clark were the "front men for genocide." This is a fact. Because of this statement, he was "removed" from the committee. Jim is not the kind of Indian perspective they want to hear from. They want to hear the Indian voices that drop to their knees and open their mouths for the gifts of wealthy white men. They want Indians who dress in feathers and war paint and entertain the masses by making their horses rear up on their hind legs. They don't want any educated uppity red nigger academics raining on their celebration of genocide.

When I was growing up, I remember hearing the story of Lewis and Clark's encounter with the Blackfoot nation. The cartoon story said that the Indians attacked them (the reasons are unclear to me). An wounded man turned the little swivel gun on the Indians and shot over their head. The primitive Indians, allegedly not understanding this noisy deadly technology, trembled in fear before the "mighty whities" and let them roam free. Even at my young age, I questioned this version. I already knew that "gun traders" were in the area since at least the 1750's, which meant the Indians knew that when one fired a gun, it took at least a minute to reload. Lotsa brave mother-fuckers amongst the Blackfoot. They'd have been on those boats and killed every last one of those pieces of shit before they got any further. But, I let this slide, though the idea stuck with me all these years later.

Talking with the traditional leaders of the Blackfoot Nation, and their Solicitor General, Jim Craven, they tell the story a little differently. "We knew, 'there goes the neighborhood,'" as Jim put it. Lewis and Clark, it seems, according to Blackfoot oral tradition, "only wanted to fuck our women and take our resources." (Some things never change). Seems their absolutely RUDE behavior managed to warrant the anger of the Blackfoot peoples who decided to administer justice to the pieces of fucking shit. They tell the story that after they killed three of them, Lewis and Clark emerged from the hold of their boat with vials that had cloth in them. The Blackfoot had already survived a number of smallpox plagues, all but one which was deliberately set already. They knew what was in those vials, and let the demons who claim human form go. It wasn't the "superiority" of any swivel gun. It was the brutality of a disease deliberately set to slaughter Indians that stopped them from killing every last one of those cruel pieces of shit.

Here, I must request that you don't give me that stupid bullshit argument that people didn't know how diseases spread. That is a lie! As early as the Mongol invasion of Europe, there are signs that state people knew how diseases spread. A good example, as well, is Jeffrey Amherst, who, in 1756 set a smallpox plauge amongst the Indians (documented), and Amherst, Maryland and Amherst University are named after this wonderful wealthy white man. As well, in a 1726 document of the doctor Zabdiel Boylston, who was Cotton Mathers physician, had created a vaccine for smallpox. Hmmmm!

If you wish, as well, to argue genocide, I suggest you first read the "UN Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide," which defines the crime. That is the basis I use for my arguments when I discuss this issue with people who don't know, aren't convinced, or already know everything about the issue so what the fuck do I know.

Lewis and Clark are often referred to as "The Corps of Discovery," because you see, nothing exists until a "wealthy white man" discovers it. The people that were here prior to Lewis and Clark really didn't exist until these two wealthy white men discovered them. Since those people were here, they simply had to be "exterminated" (genocide) to make room for their truly superior white masters. And our great white masters took such actions.

And, goddamn, if they were incapable of finishing the job. They left this, and many more, loud mouthed red niggers who continue the struggle and resist the descructive forces of the U.S. government. I know, I'm sure you all have some regrets, such as me having a big fat mouth and being capable of making some serious arguments against such abusive and genocidal behavior. Sometimes, you just can't superiorly finish off us inferiors. Good effort, though. You were successful in eradicating many indigenous nations without any legal ramifications, but it was foolish to think you've managed to change the hearts of all of us to fall to our knees and suck you tiny white cocks. For, even according to your laws, this is still our land. You all occupy it illegally. But you have the "rule of force" on your side. Any time we bring up an argument, you can simply push it aside as inferior primitive thinking and all we want is to go back to the "good ole days." In the eyes of many, we are just too "stupid" to think in terms of reality. Hey, fuck heads, we live reality. We are aware there are many other peoples here now. We're trying to make you understand that we are still here, too. But you just don't give a fuck unless we are wearing buckskin and rearing our horses for you entertainment. You don't want to understand the "reality" that this is a nation founded on brutal genocide and that supports itself on that genocide and many other genocides around the world RIGHT FUCKING NOW! But, there again, "the rule of force" is on your side should you choose to use it as a cop-out. And you can simply tell me I want to go back to some perceived "golden age" without even asking me, because you really don't need to ask some primitive red nigger who doesn't appreciate the gifts brought to us by our superior white masters. I'm unappreciative of the gifts the genocide of my people brought to me, like a computer to send out my voice with. DISMISSED! Wrong color, unappreciative, doesn't simply accept the lies of wealthy and privileged white men as truth...How dare I!

So, from this Indians point of view, and from the point of view of many Indians I know (but not all), Lewis and Clark were the "front men for genocide," just like Columbus (any names of Colubus' crew members, I do know a few of those). And The United States loves celebrating their genocidal maniacs. Fuck! The U.S. elects them president, gives them jobs in the police force, military, FBI, etc.

One last question, to put a few things in perspective. During World War II, one of the worst death camps in Europe was Jasenovac. It was a complex of 5 different sections in Croatia and was most specifically concerntrated on eradicating the Serbs (Serbs being mostly Muslim). Even the Nazi's who visited the Ustasha (sp?) ran death camp thought they were exceptionally cruel. Why do you think you don't hear of this death camp, which produced Peter Brzica, King of the Cut Throats. Peter sliced the throats of 1360 Serbs with a butcher knife in a single evening to make more room for an influx of prisoners (there was a contest. How many the others murdered I don't know). In my opinion, you don't hear of Jasenovac because it was ran by the powerful political force (not religious IMO) known as "The Vatican." Hmmm! More things to think about. (find our more at www.jasenovac.org).

Many pieces of the puzzle are discarded or left aside, like the names of the crew members of Lewis and Clark. Like the behaviors of Lewis and Clark and their crew. Like what followed from the illegal purchase of land that others stole by simply telling us red niggers they had some sort of crazy divine right which actually turned out to be the "rule of force." If you have a narrow view of things, it is much easier to lie to yourself and justify the horrors that happen today that give us the privileged world where I can write this shit to you.

And women get it the worst, and most men don't notice this until it is pointed out and more often than not, don't even notice it then because women ALL OVER THE WORLD ARE CONSIDERED SECOND CLASS OR LOWER INCLUDING IN THE UNITED STATES. Here's a story from a lodge I recently attended. An honoring song for women was sung in the lodge. A man asked if there was any songs around that honor men. A woman said, "yeah. All the rest." People need to understand the world from the perspective of others. When one listens instead of just saying, "I'm right and therefore that is how it is and I will not let any more information in because if your view isn't the same as mine, you are wrong."

Lewis and Clark, front men for genocide. Wealthy white men. No one else on their crew except a token Indian woman. Sometimes you'll hear about the slave. You don't hear about how they ate their dogs because they were tired of eating fish. Why should you hear that story? What other pieces of the story aren't heard? What other pieces of the story are ignored? Do we really need to aggrandize more wealthy white men? What about the poor? What about the Indians? What about the slave? What about the rest of the Lewis and Clark crew? What about the genocide that followed against the Indians which we were already experiencing? What about the women? What about the children? What about the pollution that followed? What about the extinction of plant and animals species that followed? What about the invasive species of animals and plants introuduced in this nation?

Let's have none of that! Let's just sing great praise to two more wealthy white men who are genocidal maniacs. [fingers in ears, eyes closed, now singing LALALALALALALA!]

Patrice Lamumba Ford is one of the "Portland 7" and is doing 18 years for committing no crime other than being a Black Muslim who was trying to get into Afghanistan via it's border with China (a treacherous entrance), but never getting close to their goal. Their motive, according to them, was to help in the refugee camps there. Muslims helping other Muslims.

The U.S., for what I allege to be propagandist (common documented pattern), arrested Lamumba and 6 others for the crimes of terrorism. This, in my opinion, was a ploy to make it look like the current administration is actually doing something to stop terrorism. Not the terrorism this administration is committing, however. My friend got 18 years for committing absolutely no crime. This is not unusual in this nation.

About 12 years ago, Lamumba and I used to sweat together. He is a big man, big as in muscular, not big as in "eats too much frybread" big. I was always amazed at how his physical presence would almost take up the whole doorway everytime he entered. He is an amazing human being. We would often talk of social justice around the world. He is very intelligent and gentle. It was his gentle spirit that amazed me the most. His body was large, muscular, and could seem intimidating, but his soul was so gentle.

I hadn't seen him in about 4 years when he was arrested for these alleged crimes which it is noted he didn't actually commit. It's more of an alleged "thought crime." Mind you, people can change in just a short time. But the more testimony I read from people who know him and talking with his father, he seemed to still have that gentle and Beautiful spirit I had always been aware of when he was sweating with us. He is an amazing, gentle, and caring human being. Now, he is doing 18 years in prison for committing no crime. Most of us haven't committed crimes, either, so that won't stop the alleged justice system from locking us up for up to 18 years for commiting no crime.

Be sure to go turn yourself in if you are innocent of any crimes. Walk into the nearest police station and explain to them how you haven't done anything wrong and should be arrested for such horrific terrorism since you have done nothing wrong and get your 18 year sentence as well.

Reminds me of what prosecutor Lynn Crooks said about Leonard Peltier after he was sentenced to two life terms in prison for allegations of killing two FBI agents. "We cannot prove what role Leonard Peltier may have played in these murders, if any, but someone has to pay for the crime." There are a lot of crimes that go on unproven, which lines up anyone who hasn't committed a crime for possibly doing time for them, innocent or guilty. Most likely innocent as is the consistent documented pattern of the American alleged judicial system.

LINE UP FOR YOUR FAIR SHARE OF ABUSE!

Hello readers. I apologize for not having been here much, lately. I've been kind of depressed and busy and not feeling a whole lot like writing, but I'm getting back into my groove.

"Mystery Sheen" has turned out to be a truck wreck further up the river. What I know for sure is that divers found some parts and a license plate linked to a missing person report in Canby. I've heard via word of mouth (haven't done much more research yet) that someone had died in the wreck, again, without confirmation. Another piece of the story confirmed was that the Coast Guard were unable to stop the "mystery sheen," and therefore, it will be depositing itself wherever such things do when they stop flowing down the river.

Hermes (sp?) mentioned that he believes Bacon didn't make that comment, it may have been somone else. I haven't had much of a chance to research this either, but it seems like he may be correct. Thank you, Hermes. However, Bacon having the title of "Sir," means he directly benefitted from such actions and worse especially during those genocidal good 'ole days. Oh, wait...These are the genocidal good 'ole days, too.

I have to work more on my book and get it out for Trudell, the Nevada Test Site, and Spiral Rhythms. 11 are alread promised, which reminds me, I have to tell my friend such. I might have to have a second printing of 50 more before I go to Spiral Rhythms as things are turning out.

I'll be going to a tipi meeting this coming weekend, and I'm sure much will be revealed about my life just like my first two have been. Felicia will be there with me as well. Children sleep in the tipi as the rest of us "sit up all night."

I'll try to get the research done on the above subjects sometime in the next couple of days, but, being unemployed, I suddenly find myself busier than I have hours for in the day!

Just got off the phone with Amy, from Willamette Riverkeeper.

She informed me that the Coast Guard is trying to stop it and possibly has. They have two divers in the river looking for the source, which she said is "continual." Amy told me the Coast Guard said it may even be a vehicle, but folks, it was much larger than 5 quarts of oil and 20 gallons of gasoline. Hopefully we'll know more this afternoon or tomorrow.

The coast guard is saying that the oil slick on the Willamette is a..."Mystery Sheen," according to the AP wire here at the mighty 90.7fm

Here is the AP article:

Coast Guard checks out "mystery sheen" on Willamette River

Portland, Ore. (AP) - The U-S Coast Guard is checking out what it calls a "mystery sheen" on the Willamette River this morning.

Lieutenant Michael Block says it's not an oil slick or spill. He says it's what he calls a "light, petroleum-based sheen."

He says city, state, and federal agencies are involved.

Block says it's unknown at this hour what the source is, and he can't estimate the volume of the substance.

----

I wish we had a video camera in this place. As Lisa Loving, PM News Director, brought me this article she was singing a made up spur of the moment song complete with corresponding dance, "Secret Mystery Sheen," sang to the tune, "Secret Agent Man." I Love this place!

The "Mystery Sheen" (no relation to Martin, I'm told) will be passing theNational Wildlife Refuge on Sauvie Island. I am unsure if there are any clean up efforts happening.

"NOTHING TO SEE HERE! MOVE ALONG!"
--Officer Barbrady, South Park Police Department.

What amazes me most is not even officer Barbrady has to say it. People obey orders without having to be told. "Nothing to see here. Move along." It's gonna be tough getting the Revolution into the hearts of the masses, but I KNOW WE CAN DO IT, folks. SI SE PUEDAE! YES WE CAN! IT IS POSSIBLE!

I called City of Portland Environmental Services and was told it was the responsibility of the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard told me they had a couple of boats looking for the source. When I asked if anyone was cleaning it up, I was put on hold and the line was lost a few seconds later. I have not tried to call back. I also called Willamette Riverkeeper and left messages. Lisa just informed me they have a boat and patrol the river, so that may be where they are.

The river has a life. It is alive. It breathes. It has a soul. And it has a "Mystery Sheen" that was a horrible and sick mess to add to all the other horrible shit this alleged great nation has put into OUR RIVER, OUR SISTER!

The quote from that asshole Sir Francis Bacon:

'nature had to be hounded and made a slave to the new mechanicized devices; science had to torture nature's secrets out of her'.

What a fucking piece of shit, but it seems this mentality rolls on...and on...and on...

Might as well spend the rest of my life trying to start a Revolution! What the fuck else am I gonna do? Watch TV?

The Willamette is my sister. The Willamette is my friend. Look what these fucking assholes are doing to my sister! (deep breath, big sigh)

Little light green buds
pushing out the tips
of forest green needles
of a pine tree
at the corner
of 67th and Garden Home
Pinecones
open, brown, a little fuzzy
drop seeds
the lives of future generations
mostly eaten by
birds, squirrels, insects...

Life, Rebirth, Beauty, Tree Sex!

Besides,
you all know how I feel
about little green buds!

The trees
on 67th
are so beautiful
as their leaves
push puffy clouds
into the skies.
"Everything is so GREEN!"

A yellow iris
a lilac bush
a viny pink rose
greet me
on the way to my bus stop.

A woman on the bus
talks on the phone
to a friend
about a Tibetan man
at her work
that she seems to be
interested in.
How sweet and Beautiful!

I look at the rings around the necks
of pigeons in the city of Portland
as I head to the Burnside Bridge.
They are shiny
like the Northern Lights
like an oil slick
in a puddle during the rain...

AND THERE IS AN OIL SLICK
ON MY RIVER!
THERE IS AN OIL SLICK
ON MY RIVER!
WHAT THE FUCK?!
MY SOUL HURTS AND I WANT TO SCREAM!
I WANT TO SCREAM
INTO DEAF EARS
UNTIL MY THROAT DRIES
AND I GO HOARSE
and lie exhausted
on the Burnside Bridge
above an oil slick
that would flow beneath
my wounded soul
above a river
much more wounded than I.

But I don't fall...
I come here
to report to you,
on this day
Friday, May 12, 2006, 8:10am
as I type this
at KBOO
20 SE 8th Ave,
Portland, Oregon
just blocks form the oil slick
wounding my sister
our sister
our river
named the
Willamette River.

And everyone walks by like nothing is happening.
People jog, walk, and ride bikes
on the East Side Walkway.
People walk and ride by me
on the Burnside Bridge.
Everyone is continuing to drive by.
Hardly anyone gives a fuck!
FUCK!
There is even a man fishing!
His line in the water
just feet from the flowing slick
which he doesn't even seem to care
is there.

No one needs to tell the people
"Nothing to see here.
Move along."
They've been trained
so well
here in the land of
freedom.

The only people
who seem to care
are me
and a news chopper
that flies up and down the river
as I cross the bridge
above the slick
on MY FUCKING RIVER!
WHAT THE FUCK?!
But Eric
at Grendel's
reminds me
that the chopper
is probably monitoring
traffic...
and sadly...
I believe he is right!
No wonder it is so hard
to get the Revolution going!

And I want to create Beauty!
Because we need Beauty!
Beauty will get us through!
Dancing!
Flowers!
The budding and leafing trees!
Noisy dogs!
Birds in the sky...!

Beauty
is a
Revolutionary
Act!

420 MARIJUANA!

POST 420 SHOULD BE ABOUT MARIJUANA!

LEGALIZE! LEGALIZE! LEGALIZE!

That said:

I have my book all ready to get printed elsewhere. That should be good when it happens.

I have to continue my work on Book 2, "Kill Whitey: A Love Story --Rants and Short Stories from a Soft Pudgy Indian." Book 3 I will be poems and short stories about the Burnside Bridge. Should be good.

Currently not to worried about all the crazy crap going on in my life. Worrying just adds to the stress and I often use as an excuse to do very little or nothing about my situation because I'd be too busy worrying about it to do anything about it.

Other than that, LIFE IS GOOD!

I just keep being amazed that even in the worrisome situation I am in, I still have one of the most Beautiful Lives I can Imagine!

Memorial Day Weekend I'll be involved in a caravan going from Portland to the Nevada Test Site protest. The test of a 700 ton ammonium nitrate and fuel oil bomb to simulate a bunker buster (why aren't the using a "real" bunker buster?) bomb has been delayed. It was originally scheduled for June 2nd and has now been stated that the bomb will be tested sometime after the 23rd. The protest is still going on as scheduled and I'm still heading down there with a bunch of like minded strangers and at least one person I know.

Life is interesting! Life is Beautiful! Life is Good!

Forgot to add: Carter Camp, long time indigenous activist of Pawnee descent and one of the occupiers of Wounded Knee in '73 will be on the "Mitakuye Oyasin" radio program this afternoon from 1:30 to 3:00pm PST on KBOO at 90.7fm or www.kboo.fm! He will be talking about the current actions surrounding Bear Butte and the Sturgis Biker Rally which is infiltrating the 5 mile radius within Bear Butte.

Thanks to my friend Rhonda, a North Portland group is letting me travel with them for the big protest over the bomb test at the Nevada Test Site. The test has now been pushed out at least three weeks, but the protest is still going on.

Because I won't be able to be at my friends house over Memorial Day Weekend, where I was going to be house sitting, she has to kennel her dogs because she couldn't find anyone to care for them. What that means is my house sitting gig has been killed.

I woke up this morning and thought of my financial situation. I thought about stressing out. I took some time to even do so a bit. Then, I just started laughing.

I was strongly spiritually motivated to leave my last job. You who have been reading this a while and know me know what I went through during that time. I was in a horrible situation with a choice between being face to face with sex abuse issues the rest of the time I'm there, or making the healthy choice of leaving. I chose to leave.

Now, two things that I thought would carry me at least a little are no longer there: my publisher will not be having books for me for some time...if at all. I'm working with another friend to get books published on our own...THANK YOU JANICE! Mikhelle has been helping me a lot! THANK YOU MIKHELLE! I LOVE YOU! So I'll have something to offer for three events coming up at the end of the month. And then my housing gig gets cancelled because I'm participating in a rare event that has presented itself to me.

So I woke up this morning, worrying about my situation. I prayed about it, then started laughing. What else can I do? I think of the energy the spirits motivated me to leave the last job with. That something better was coming, and it is and has in many ways. I have many irons in the fire, as it were. However, the immediate is really sucking a lot of my energy! So, I just started laughing. All that worry energy isn't helping. I don't know what is coming. I don't know I can find a job or some form of income in time to care for my rent, etc., and the little I had on the immediate line is now gone! ...huh! Laugh! Laughing feels good!

What do you have in mind for me spirit? Am I looking in the wrong place? Am I heading in the right direction? May I honor your assistance by seeing what it is I need to do and then do it well! Thank you spirit! Thank you my Love and all of my friends!

Learning to breathe underwater...

Having gone to visit my friend, Janice, she told me of a show about how a group of people are gathered into a house and they try to get their shit together as far as their lives go. She talked of how a woman's expression would change once they started getting why they behave the way they do. A few days later, they would be back in the depth of their emotional muck and wondering why when they had gotten it just a few days before. You'd think that just knowing would be the end of it, but it's not. It's a process. It's a practice. You have to practice. It's OK if you fall back into it because IT HAPPENS. You get a chance to Love and Forgive and Trust yourself all over again. PRACTICE! I think of the sound bites I offer to people to help them through their lives.

• Not everything necessarily works out the way we want it to, but it always seems to work out.
• Don't sweat the small shit. [and] It's all small shit.
• Take care of yourself.
• Dance at your own Revolution.

You know, all sorts of things like that there.

I realized in the last couple of days that I had forgotten the first sound bite I spoke of. The way I thought life would work out in these last few days it hasn't. "When in trouble! When in doubt! Run in circles, scream and shout!" That has been me the last several days. That will be me again sometime in the future. With practice, I will keep my eyes open and realize this:

It's just like breathing underwater.

Water, drowning in overwhelming emotion of it all. Panicking as I realize that I am in a world that I didn't expect. Learning that I'm in the world I'm supposed to be in. Learning that I can breathe beneath the surface of all of this overwhelming emotion. But I always panic at first during these dreams. I always panic when I wake up and find myself beneathe the surface of the water. Struggle rapidly, fearfully, panicky, to get to the surface to take that breath of fresh air, LIFE! I DON'T WANT TO DROWN! I WANT TO LIVE! Surrender to my watery death... Only to find that when I take what I fear would be one of my last painful breaths...that I can breathe underwater, then find myself exploring that place where I have never been and making my way through it with that one particular goal in mind: the ability of future generations to live good, free, healthy lives and learn to work out their differences in good healthy ways, good health for the people, and YES, we can do all of this and so much more. YES WE CAN!

Without all the wonderful support I have had throughout all of this, I would not have been able to even get to this point, whatever that point may be as I am starting to get my bearings after my panic attack. Breathe slow, deep, look around, where am I? Where do I want to go? How do I get there? Thank you all of my friends: Mikhelle (whom I'm also in Love with), Janice, Leigh Anne, Julie, and all those who believe that my words can make a difference. This experience has been so humbling! I have a desire to create a wonderful and beautiful world for this and future generations! So do my friends! We're not pure! We are pure! It's all a process. We all learn to breathe underwater from time to time. You are all my heroes! You are all my fellow human beings, and I am so proud to be in this world with you as we struggle to bring that wonderful world we know that we deserve as well as the whole world and future generations.

I better get my ass to work now! Everything is working out! I have to learn to stop panicking because it just takes away energy that I could be using in a useful manner. Easier said than done at times, but with continued PRACTICE!...We'll make that world we want an need!

I Love you all!

more later, REVOLUTION NOW!