Friday, May 19, 2006
Apologies to Hermes
Hermes, I apologize to you and will explain to you where I am coming from.
You are NOT the first white man I have been abusive to because of certain behaviors that just drive me crazy.
You put words in my mouth by telling me that I want to get rid of all technology. You also told me that I want everything to return to its primitive state. So many times I have discussions/ arguments with white men telling me the same thing. They don't want to discuss the issues, they just want to let me know that this is how I feel. They don't ask me.
All but two of these men I've actually got to HONESTLY talk with me. I've shook their hands and we had become allies of a sort. However, it just pinches a nerve in me when people do that to me and won't discuss the issues at hand. Technology has many good qualities, but it is also used to kill.
All of these white men have simply looked down on my opinions because: 1) I'm only high school educated. 2) Because I'm an Indian and with that comes certain perceptions such as, wanting to be rid of technology, wanting to be primitive. All this ASSUMED without question. 3) all these white men are lefties. 4) all these white men refused to discuss the issue and come to a point of either agreement or agreeing to disagree, they just tell me that they know best, they know what I'm thinking without discussion, etc. 5) and so much more.
You are not the first to treat me in such a manner and defend it. I get treated like that in minor ways almost daily, and overtly by hundreds of white men. It gets tiring, and angering, and sometimes I become abusive because of it because it never ends.
It is, in my opinion, and I'm sure this will put fuel in the flames of our discussion if it continues, Institutionally Racist.
I really suggest you read the book "Autobiobraphy of a Blue-Eyed Devil," By Inga Muscio. She lost a friend herself because of her own unidentified institutional racism.
This, however, does not make it right for me to be abusive to you. I did not "just lose my temper." It is so frustrating because I know I'm going to have to deal with white men the rest of my life that I won't be able to work with because they will be telling me what I'm thinking without any real discussion because I'm seen as a lesser figure because of my anger. To me, it is like someone sticking me with a pin over and over. You either get used to it or ignore it, and sometimes, it's gonna get a reaction out of me because that is how these things happen.
Again, apologies, whether or not you accept them, but mind you, please, look at the way you told me things as well and don't just dismiss what I'm saying because I hurt you. I reacted, brother, because you hurt me, too. Listen, pay attention. I know I was abusive. I know that is something I have to deal with in dealing with people who treat me like you have. Simply dismissing my arguments because certain things are simply seen as superior without question. You didn't ask about the felonies Chatters enacted, you just dismissed me as being obstructive. And that is OK because you know a lot about science. I know a lot about the law.
We done hurt each other, and I hope I've explained how you've hurt me, and I know it was without intention. But you never asked, you simply told me how I feel, and you simply dismissed my arguments as inferior and reactionary. This will happen for the rest of my life because of who I am. It won't end. For the most part I control my temper around these issues, because I know what to look for and usually avoid these types of confrontations and let those white men learn in other manners. Sometimes, they catch me at the wrong time.
Institutional racism, to me, is so much worse that the overt stuff, like the KKK, Aryan Brotherhood, Skinheads. I know who I'm dealing with there. People who are institutionally racist are harder for me to deal with, especially white men. I communted peacefully with a skinhead for about a year. I've changed his heart about a few things. The numerous institutionally racist I have almost NEVER changed the hearts of.
If we were to meet in person, I'd shake your hand. We'd probably share a beer, and most likely we'd avoid this subject. You are so much more than a person who is institutionally racist. I don't know hardly a thing about you other than that. That is not a good way to present yourself.
My sincere apologies, and I will do my best to make ammends. If you would like to discuss these issues, I'm more than willing to talk and listen if you are. But don't tell me how I think or that I'm overstating things without asking questions.
I have to live in a world of white men telling me what to do on my own land every minute of my life until the moment I die no matter how old I live to be. That is NOT freedom.
I'll look into my abusive behavior toward institutionally racist white men. I will. I pray that you, too, will look into your institutionalized racism, and I suggest the book by Inga Muscio because she talks about how she lost a friend by treating her the same way you treated me. If not, that's OK too. I'm going to attempt to ignore the behavior of white men telling me what I'm thinking without even asking and looking down on me and my opinions because theres are correct without explanation.
I guess that's about it. Don't think your the first white man I did this to. Don't think your the last white man that will do that to me. Fuck, there are even guys here at KBOO that do it to me. Sometimes, the shit just builds up and someone more innocent than them pulls the trigger. I guarantee. You will be able to walk away from this at any point. I will face it when I walk out this door and feel it for the rest of my life until I die and so will future generations of Indians. Kind of pisses me off.
You are NOT the first white man I have been abusive to because of certain behaviors that just drive me crazy.
You put words in my mouth by telling me that I want to get rid of all technology. You also told me that I want everything to return to its primitive state. So many times I have discussions/ arguments with white men telling me the same thing. They don't want to discuss the issues, they just want to let me know that this is how I feel. They don't ask me.
All but two of these men I've actually got to HONESTLY talk with me. I've shook their hands and we had become allies of a sort. However, it just pinches a nerve in me when people do that to me and won't discuss the issues at hand. Technology has many good qualities, but it is also used to kill.
All of these white men have simply looked down on my opinions because: 1) I'm only high school educated. 2) Because I'm an Indian and with that comes certain perceptions such as, wanting to be rid of technology, wanting to be primitive. All this ASSUMED without question. 3) all these white men are lefties. 4) all these white men refused to discuss the issue and come to a point of either agreement or agreeing to disagree, they just tell me that they know best, they know what I'm thinking without discussion, etc. 5) and so much more.
You are not the first to treat me in such a manner and defend it. I get treated like that in minor ways almost daily, and overtly by hundreds of white men. It gets tiring, and angering, and sometimes I become abusive because of it because it never ends.
It is, in my opinion, and I'm sure this will put fuel in the flames of our discussion if it continues, Institutionally Racist.
I really suggest you read the book "Autobiobraphy of a Blue-Eyed Devil," By Inga Muscio. She lost a friend herself because of her own unidentified institutional racism.
This, however, does not make it right for me to be abusive to you. I did not "just lose my temper." It is so frustrating because I know I'm going to have to deal with white men the rest of my life that I won't be able to work with because they will be telling me what I'm thinking without any real discussion because I'm seen as a lesser figure because of my anger. To me, it is like someone sticking me with a pin over and over. You either get used to it or ignore it, and sometimes, it's gonna get a reaction out of me because that is how these things happen.
Again, apologies, whether or not you accept them, but mind you, please, look at the way you told me things as well and don't just dismiss what I'm saying because I hurt you. I reacted, brother, because you hurt me, too. Listen, pay attention. I know I was abusive. I know that is something I have to deal with in dealing with people who treat me like you have. Simply dismissing my arguments because certain things are simply seen as superior without question. You didn't ask about the felonies Chatters enacted, you just dismissed me as being obstructive. And that is OK because you know a lot about science. I know a lot about the law.
We done hurt each other, and I hope I've explained how you've hurt me, and I know it was without intention. But you never asked, you simply told me how I feel, and you simply dismissed my arguments as inferior and reactionary. This will happen for the rest of my life because of who I am. It won't end. For the most part I control my temper around these issues, because I know what to look for and usually avoid these types of confrontations and let those white men learn in other manners. Sometimes, they catch me at the wrong time.
Institutional racism, to me, is so much worse that the overt stuff, like the KKK, Aryan Brotherhood, Skinheads. I know who I'm dealing with there. People who are institutionally racist are harder for me to deal with, especially white men. I communted peacefully with a skinhead for about a year. I've changed his heart about a few things. The numerous institutionally racist I have almost NEVER changed the hearts of.
If we were to meet in person, I'd shake your hand. We'd probably share a beer, and most likely we'd avoid this subject. You are so much more than a person who is institutionally racist. I don't know hardly a thing about you other than that. That is not a good way to present yourself.
My sincere apologies, and I will do my best to make ammends. If you would like to discuss these issues, I'm more than willing to talk and listen if you are. But don't tell me how I think or that I'm overstating things without asking questions.
I have to live in a world of white men telling me what to do on my own land every minute of my life until the moment I die no matter how old I live to be. That is NOT freedom.
I'll look into my abusive behavior toward institutionally racist white men. I will. I pray that you, too, will look into your institutionalized racism, and I suggest the book by Inga Muscio because she talks about how she lost a friend by treating her the same way you treated me. If not, that's OK too. I'm going to attempt to ignore the behavior of white men telling me what I'm thinking without even asking and looking down on me and my opinions because theres are correct without explanation.
I guess that's about it. Don't think your the first white man I did this to. Don't think your the last white man that will do that to me. Fuck, there are even guys here at KBOO that do it to me. Sometimes, the shit just builds up and someone more innocent than them pulls the trigger. I guarantee. You will be able to walk away from this at any point. I will face it when I walk out this door and feel it for the rest of my life until I die and so will future generations of Indians. Kind of pisses me off.
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