Pudgy Indian

Having gone to visit my friend, Janice, she told me of a show about how a group of people are gathered into a house and they try to get their shit together as far as their lives go. She talked of how a woman's expression would change once they started getting why they behave the way they do. A few days later, they would be back in the depth of their emotional muck and wondering why when they had gotten it just a few days before. You'd think that just knowing would be the end of it, but it's not. It's a process. It's a practice. You have to practice. It's OK if you fall back into it because IT HAPPENS. You get a chance to Love and Forgive and Trust yourself all over again. PRACTICE! I think of the sound bites I offer to people to help them through their lives.

• Not everything necessarily works out the way we want it to, but it always seems to work out.
• Don't sweat the small shit. [and] It's all small shit.
• Take care of yourself.
• Dance at your own Revolution.

You know, all sorts of things like that there.

I realized in the last couple of days that I had forgotten the first sound bite I spoke of. The way I thought life would work out in these last few days it hasn't. "When in trouble! When in doubt! Run in circles, scream and shout!" That has been me the last several days. That will be me again sometime in the future. With practice, I will keep my eyes open and realize this:

It's just like breathing underwater.

Water, drowning in overwhelming emotion of it all. Panicking as I realize that I am in a world that I didn't expect. Learning that I'm in the world I'm supposed to be in. Learning that I can breathe beneath the surface of all of this overwhelming emotion. But I always panic at first during these dreams. I always panic when I wake up and find myself beneathe the surface of the water. Struggle rapidly, fearfully, panicky, to get to the surface to take that breath of fresh air, LIFE! I DON'T WANT TO DROWN! I WANT TO LIVE! Surrender to my watery death... Only to find that when I take what I fear would be one of my last painful breaths...that I can breathe underwater, then find myself exploring that place where I have never been and making my way through it with that one particular goal in mind: the ability of future generations to live good, free, healthy lives and learn to work out their differences in good healthy ways, good health for the people, and YES, we can do all of this and so much more. YES WE CAN!

Without all the wonderful support I have had throughout all of this, I would not have been able to even get to this point, whatever that point may be as I am starting to get my bearings after my panic attack. Breathe slow, deep, look around, where am I? Where do I want to go? How do I get there? Thank you all of my friends: Mikhelle (whom I'm also in Love with), Janice, Leigh Anne, Julie, and all those who believe that my words can make a difference. This experience has been so humbling! I have a desire to create a wonderful and beautiful world for this and future generations! So do my friends! We're not pure! We are pure! It's all a process. We all learn to breathe underwater from time to time. You are all my heroes! You are all my fellow human beings, and I am so proud to be in this world with you as we struggle to bring that wonderful world we know that we deserve as well as the whole world and future generations.

I better get my ass to work now! Everything is working out! I have to learn to stop panicking because it just takes away energy that I could be using in a useful manner. Easier said than done at times, but with continued PRACTICE!...We'll make that world we want an need!

I Love you all!

more later, REVOLUTION NOW!