Pudgy Indian

Unloading produce at Elephant's Commisary
at 4am in the morning
a woman approaches me
as I prep their order.

"Can you help me out?
My boyfriend kicked me out
and I haven't eaten in a long time
and I'm so hungry
I just need a couple of bucks
to get something at the Hot Cake House.
It's the only place I know
that is open at this time of day."

"Hold on," I say
pull out my wallet
hold it to the light to look inside
and see two buck right there.
But I know that aint enough to get a good meal.
I find a five and another one
and hand her $8.

"Thank you! Thank you!"
She says
taking my left hand in both of hers.
I feel her skin against mine
her life force.
"Bless you!"

As she walks away I ask,
"Do you have a place to stay?"
"No," she says.
"Well there are plenty of organizations
around town
that are willing to help you out."

She smiles and is on her merry way.

After I'm done with my delivery,
I see her walking with a lightness in her step
as she heads toward her next meal.
I honk
and we wave to each other.

Sometimes
all we need is for someone
to know we exist
and our existance has validity
just like every one else's.

2 (or something like that)

The master has come
(she'd laugh if she read
that I called her "the master")
and she leads me
with her magical hands
creating energy flows through my belly
to an old friend of mine...
Mr. I Want To Be Alone...
AKA...Mr. Lonliness.

The sentry opened the door
from the darkness
where me and The Master wait.
He is suspicious
and doesn't want any visitors
as the light from his room
shines new life into the darkness.

He opens the door wide
in an unwelcoming welcome
and there
behind the door
is my body
laying in a form of depose on the floor
not dead
not alive
and we enter.

3 (numbers, slices)

Lonliness and I have a good time togther.
We wrap an arm around each others shoulders
walk around the house
in a sluggish form of drunkeness
from the reawakenings
from the Reiki and Massage
my friend has blessed us with.

We laugh!
We embrace.
We plan on drinking a Maudite beer together, later.
Maybe we'll go see that movie
with Heidi
about the Japanese folks
who started a Hawaiian dance thing
in order to get tourists
to visit their town.

But right now...
right now...

4 (?)

After another break-up
I knew to look for healers.
Those with the ability
and magic within their souls
to heal the wounds and aches
that come with such actions.

I find my friend Cynthia
at the airport Holiday Inn
where she is doing a show
for her herbal works.

I sit and talk and talk and talk
while she brings a cup of salt water
does a cutting away ceremony for me
heals my energy using cedar spray
and rose water spray
and a few others as well.

"Yesterday," I tell her
"Through all my depression and pain
I started having this funny feeling in my body.
I didn't know what it was.
It didn't feel bad.
And then I realized.
It is how my body feels when I'm in Love
or have a crush on someone."
[Another friend, Kelli, tells me
that I'm falling in Love with myself,
and I think she's right]

The next day
Stacy comes over
and I get another Reiki Massage.
She has magic in her hands.
The next day
I feel so good.

I have her come over again on Sunday
and she leads me to Mr. Lonliness.

Tomorrow...
feather doctoring from Chuck.

5.

Sometimes we need to know why we attract certain things to ourselves.

I decided to be fat when I was a kid
because I didn't want anyone to bother me
because I was pretty bothered by...

I held all my lonliness
my desire for lonliness
in my belly.
No one wants to get to know the fat kid.

Which is funny,
because I remember two girls
in fourth grade
when asked to find a partner to dance with
they both chose me.

In looking for my good buddy, Mr. Lonliness,
It took years and years of work
hard times
good times
beauty and tragedy
and in a simple ceremony
with her hands on my belly
that until about five years ago
I would not allow anyone to touch
man nor woman
Lover or friend,
I found him.

"You're the one who is doing the work,"
Stacy tells me
when I heap great praise
upon her magical hands
and her spirit that guides them.

I tell her that after this last break-up
I have actively sought out the healers I know.
Her, Cynthia, Chuck...
I set up another appointment for two weeks
from today.

I tell her that I used to smoke pot
for my depression
and it helped put me in a head space
for dealing with it.
Her hands
and my willingness to accept the magic that comes through her
has done more for me
than the fields of pot
I have smoked in years past.

And Mr. Lonliness and I...
We have plans for our day.

6 (I think)

We hop in the car.
It's been a long time...
A long time since I walked across my favorite bridge
Walked across the beauty of my sister
Danced circles above that magic place.

We start out at Grendel's
of course,
Where Maureen, my favorite barista, is making sandwiches
and Eric is busy with other things
and the newer barista
whose name I forget.

Large Grendel's Ghost
with whipped cream, of course.

I step outside
set my drink on a planter
and light up...
you guessed it...
A Partagas No. 4
from Cuba.
Yeah baby!

I make my prayers at my old offering spot
where I haven't been for over a year
because of the construction on my bridge
our bridge,
The Burnside Bridge.
I remember the time
Mikhelle walked me there
on the phone
from the East Coast...
and Bear finds me.

"Do you have one of your books with you?"
I ask.
"I just sold them all,"
he tells me
"But I have more at home."
I give him a $20
and he promises me
he will bring my change
and my book
tomorrow to Grendel's.

Lonliness and I decide to go get tobacco
at the one Rich's I have never visited
by the pillars
decorated by the Greek fellow
who used to throw the switch
for the railroad.
Now the space is filled with Condos.
And DAMMIT!
They aren't open on Sundays.

But life is good
and I head back to Grendel's
with a bladder full of pee
so I walk rather fast.

I offer my cigar stub
to the river
my sister
whom I Love so much.
and I make it back
and pee
just before my bladder was about to explode.

7 (ahhh)

Ah yes...
A poet's ceremony.

I reclaim my life.
I send Mr. Lonliness on his merry way.
I offer him is own life
from where I kept him a prisoner
and set up the sentry
to keep him safe.
The sentry is no longer needed.
Lonliness has again
taken his breath of life
from where he laid
lifeless
and is walking into his own world.

We will undoubtedly meet again
but under different circumstances.

We will laugh
and drink water
maybe a beer
smoke a cigar
and tell each other stories
of what we have been up to.

We will embarce
and say "Good Bye"
to each other
until we choose to hang out together again.

I am reclaiming my life
in my Poet's Ceremony
as I dance across the Bridge.