Pudgy Indian

I want to run into the sunrise
till I burn up
and become ash
and am blown in all directions
by hurricane winds.

I want to leap up into the stars
cling on for dear life
and listen to all the jokes
they have told for billions of years
up to the present
and beyond.

I want to swim with the salmon
breathe underwater
like in my dreams,
find the source
and be thankful.

I want to give everything
I own
away
but I barely have enough
for myself
which seems like way too much.

I want to lay in a meadow
and curl up in a ball
under a buffalo robe
where only insects will visit me.

I want to kiss the rain
and laugh as it dances in my mouth.

I want to watch funny movies
and laugh
until tears
squirt out of my eyes.

I want to change the world
with Revolution and knowledge
Love and compassion.

I want everyone to cry
on everyone's shoulders
until everyone laughs
and then everyone crys again.

I want to sing out loud
while walking down the street.

I want to toss coins and tobacco
from a bridge
in prayers for life.

I want to go somewhere
but have nowhere to go.

I want to eat.
I'm hungry,
but I don't want to eat.

I feel like
everything has changed
within my soul
and yet I'm still the same
and yet not the same at all.

I feel numb
and I want to feel pain
joy, Love, ache
fear, bravery
breath...

Everything has changed
and yet I'm still the same.

I want to go somewhere
but have nowhere to go
no way to get there.

I walk around in parks
enjoy the trees
pray with smoke
and I have nowhere to go
and no way to get there
and I don't know where I want to go
and don't know what I'd do
if I could get there.

It is all inside me.

I remember joys
tops of mountains
desert floors
hot springs
snow and rain
cold
hot
beauty...

I want to go somwhere
but I have no way to get there
and don't even know where I'd go
if I could
and I don't want to laugh
and I don't want to cry
and what would I do if I got there
and it is all inside me
it is all inside me
and means nothing at all
and means everything
because everything has changed
inside me.
Everything has changed
inside me
and I have no idea what
any of it is.

And I'm no longer
satisfied with myself.
But I have no idea what that means.

I want to go somewhere
but I have nowhere to go
no way to get there
and don't think it would change a thing
anyway
Because
Everything has changed...
but I'm still the same.