Pudgy Indian

It is frustrating for me, as I again have attempted to stick my nose in a movement that seemed interesting, but are not open to the ideas of others. But I refuse to give up altogether.

I have made many attempts at starting movements with complete failure. Many! I have made many attempts to join other movements, only to find I cannot work with the group for one reason or another.

My newest failure was working with a peace group. I thought an e-mail list was a chance at a forum to speak with the people. Discuss ideas. Implement them. Discuss definitions of "violence" and "non-violence." Find ways to create unity with other communities. But such was not the case. It is, as I've been told, only a forum in which to discuss civil resistance. I can't play the game of narrow-mindedness when there is so much involved.

I see violence as many things that happen in our world. Homelessness is violence. Rape is violence. Domestic violence is violence. Pollution is violence. The reservations system is violence. War is violence. Supporting war is violence. Racism is violence. Sexism is violence. Genocide is violence. To me, violence is a broad issue with many definitions.

I am reading "Reclaiming the Sacred," by Winona Laduke. The Vatican and Arizona State University committed violence against the Apache with their gencidal (using the UN Convention, article 2c) telescopes raping the mountain top. Stealing the water from the Hopi, Dine, Zuni, Klamath, etc., is violence.

But the violence I see this peace group fighting is the war in Iraq. But there is so much more violence, like that listed above. Violence is defined with a narrow scope.

My honey, an Indian who can pass (as it were), has experienced racism and verbal abuse from the head of this peace organization when she was with him. I've even witnessed a verbal attack he did on her and intervened along with her son against his verbal violence against my honey. This man alleges himself to be a man of peace. He considers himself to be non-violent. However, not only has he verbally abused my honey, he has many people who have attempted to ally themselves with him and have turned away. He seems to Love adoration and anyone who disagrees with him is to be shut out. Liberal white men of peace, I have a tendency to hate the two faced assholes.

This group seems to be headed by two of these liberal white males. Although things are done in a facade of a consensus, their ideas conform around the ideals of these two liberal white males. The ideas conform to their ideas of what is peace and non-violence. Basically, they are peace fascists.

I guess I'm not easy to work with, either. I try to broaden the scope of ideas to be inclusive in spaces where there is a lot of exculsivism. I try to broaden the knowledge base and ideas. I don't work well in a cage. I have ideals like linking up with other groups that most exclusive based groups are unwilling to do. I want to link with others. I want to create unity. I just don't see it happening down here at the bottom (as it were). I can unite with a few individuals. I can unite friends with other friends. But I cannot unite with narrow minded exclusivist groups or individuals. Yet, at the same time, I have to if unity is to be achieved. But it is so difficult to unite with exclusivist who will spend a lot of energy shutting out discussion or working on getting me to leave.

Another thing that bothered me about the peace group, besides the institutional racism, sexism, and exclusivism of the leaders, is the lack of support from people of color. There are people of color on the list. However, my honey and I are the only people of color that directly participate. That says a lot because many people of color take issue with the war and violence as well. Fuck! Blacks in this city face the violence of racism daily! Why are alleged peace groups incapable or unwilling to link with people of color? Why are alleged non-violent peace groups unwilling or incapable of dealing with the violence dealt to the black community through the city, state, and federal agencies?

So, I removed myself from yet another group, though I plan on continuing my participation in one action that takes place on a weekly basis. I can find myself participating in that action, just not participating with the group. I could find myself supporting and possibly participating in their actions, but don't see a whole lot of use as long as they remain narrow-minded and exclusive in their scope.

To narrow it down to a few sentences, I guess I just can't work with alleged peaceful, alleged non-violent, liberal white male saviors who have come to save the world if we would only listen to their narrow minded racist sexist scope of global issues and never look at the violence and war that exists within the communities in which they live or they may be committing themselves.

So, there you go, folks. Another failure at attempting to participate or starting out a movement. I understand what Corbin Harney said when he told me that what we need is numbers. But it is so hard to get those numbers together on anything but their own self-interests for the most part. I still haven't given up, however, and look forward to the lessons of the many future failures that will be coming my way in creating a world with justice, no war, no racism, no sexism, the honoring of human rights, etc.