Monday, April 17, 2006
Angry
I wake up happy, almost every morning now. But as I start to realize my situation at work, it quickly turns to anger. I fantasize about vindictiveness. Telling the man who wears suits two sizes to big about all the pot smokers at work. About all the activities of those who aren't pot smokers and bringing his attention to their terminatable offesnses. But that is all that is. Just fantasies. Fantasies of letting my boss know, the man who wears suits two sizes too big, the board that makes decisions about the activities of this place.
I've decided to just ride those feelings. They are just feelings. Angry at myself for taking the journey here. In reality, it is a pain I need healing from. That is clear. I trust the feelings that I get and I'll be moving on in a good way soon.
I think of my Lover-Love, and my heart is filled with warmth and beauty. She wants to teach me skills that can help me gain control over my own economy. I have my fingers in many projects that might be able to make me money in the future. My publisher has control of my books and for some reason is not getting me any in which I have about a dozen sold. The books are out of quarantine, but we are not getting them out there and I have no idea what the problem is. *sigh*
Here I float, above the earth. My feet don't touch the ground. I am amazed and humbled that people believe so much in my work that we take the time to create a video of one of my poems, that we take the time to create this book, that people listen to my words on the radio and TV.
My housemate just called and reminded me about the Polynesian dance class on Wednesday's. It will be fun. I have to register. I keep forgetting. It will be healing and good for me.
I think for the most part, I just have to let go of that anger toward my work place. I cling to it. I claim it as mine like I claim my fingers that type these words to you. But it is anger. It is a feeling. It is healing. It is Loving. It is Caring. We are connected. But I give birth to it, to take on it's own life. To learn in the spirit world. To be beautiful in the world. To motivate life and regeneration in the world. To heal. I give myself permission to heal. I give myself permission to be successful. I give myself permission to receive abundance and share in the wealth with my Lover-Love, daughter, friends, family, community, etc. These are words I have to listen to carefully. I am a wordsmith. There is power in poetry. There is power within me. There is power within all of us. RECLAIM that power, brothers and sisters. Let's take over the world.
Time to go smoke a stogie, pray, walk along the Eastside park way, Waterfrom park, pray, laugh wonder, wander. Back in a few.
I've decided to just ride those feelings. They are just feelings. Angry at myself for taking the journey here. In reality, it is a pain I need healing from. That is clear. I trust the feelings that I get and I'll be moving on in a good way soon.
I think of my Lover-Love, and my heart is filled with warmth and beauty. She wants to teach me skills that can help me gain control over my own economy. I have my fingers in many projects that might be able to make me money in the future. My publisher has control of my books and for some reason is not getting me any in which I have about a dozen sold. The books are out of quarantine, but we are not getting them out there and I have no idea what the problem is. *sigh*
Here I float, above the earth. My feet don't touch the ground. I am amazed and humbled that people believe so much in my work that we take the time to create a video of one of my poems, that we take the time to create this book, that people listen to my words on the radio and TV.
My housemate just called and reminded me about the Polynesian dance class on Wednesday's. It will be fun. I have to register. I keep forgetting. It will be healing and good for me.
I think for the most part, I just have to let go of that anger toward my work place. I cling to it. I claim it as mine like I claim my fingers that type these words to you. But it is anger. It is a feeling. It is healing. It is Loving. It is Caring. We are connected. But I give birth to it, to take on it's own life. To learn in the spirit world. To be beautiful in the world. To motivate life and regeneration in the world. To heal. I give myself permission to heal. I give myself permission to be successful. I give myself permission to receive abundance and share in the wealth with my Lover-Love, daughter, friends, family, community, etc. These are words I have to listen to carefully. I am a wordsmith. There is power in poetry. There is power within me. There is power within all of us. RECLAIM that power, brothers and sisters. Let's take over the world.
Time to go smoke a stogie, pray, walk along the Eastside park way, Waterfrom park, pray, laugh wonder, wander. Back in a few.
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