Monday, February 06, 2006
Decisions, decisions, decisions
I've decided not to ask the woman I was interested in out. The reason being is the time that I've had between the decision and actually seeing her has come and gone and I've filled that sucker with a whole lot of self-hatred stuff. I am just not ready. I can't do this right now.
I guess it would be easier if somebody asked me out. That would show an actual interest in getting to know me better that I couldn't honestly say no. However, since it has happened zero times in my first 42 years of life, added with the social norm of women not being the ones to ask the man out, I'd have to say the likelyhood of me being asked out in my next 42 years will be pretty damned close to zero as well. Damned natural desires to be with a companion.
I also know that Lover-Love works out for many people, whether temporary, part-time, full-time, lifetime...I know it works for many people and I send many blessings their way for they are examples to future generations of how it should be done. I'm content to be a shy wall-flower who claps and laughs at those who enjoy the life dance. That's not to say I don't live my life, either.
I have a great life. I'm on the airwaves a coupletimes a month. I have a voice. I work toward change for the better in this world.
Check this out. Yesterday, a redneck peckerwood and I crossed paths. This guy was close to frothing at the mouth. He saw my Che hat and shirt as I walked along the pathway of Waterfront Park. He said softly as he passed by, "si senor," but in a tone that was calling me to fight. I was unafraid, and should it have come to it, I would have fought. I'm brave enough to do that. I'm brave enough to stand in front of a live and on air audience and speak my mind. I'm brave enough to dance on the roof of a parking garage and celebrate life. I'm NOT brave enough to ask a woman out or face the potentials of Lover-Love.
I Love to dance, but at social dances I'll sit against the wall and do my best to be anonymous. Still, I'll enjoy watching all the good energy going out in the world, but won't participate unless invited and will do my best to keep from being invited by being anonymous.
Yeah...I'm a real brave mother-fucker, alright. I'm willing to look death in the eye and give it the finger. I'm not so willing to look Love in the eye, especially after having been beaten so badly by the stuff.
So, there you go...LET'S START A REVOLUTION!
I guess it would be easier if somebody asked me out. That would show an actual interest in getting to know me better that I couldn't honestly say no. However, since it has happened zero times in my first 42 years of life, added with the social norm of women not being the ones to ask the man out, I'd have to say the likelyhood of me being asked out in my next 42 years will be pretty damned close to zero as well. Damned natural desires to be with a companion.
I also know that Lover-Love works out for many people, whether temporary, part-time, full-time, lifetime...I know it works for many people and I send many blessings their way for they are examples to future generations of how it should be done. I'm content to be a shy wall-flower who claps and laughs at those who enjoy the life dance. That's not to say I don't live my life, either.
I have a great life. I'm on the airwaves a coupletimes a month. I have a voice. I work toward change for the better in this world.
Check this out. Yesterday, a redneck peckerwood and I crossed paths. This guy was close to frothing at the mouth. He saw my Che hat and shirt as I walked along the pathway of Waterfront Park. He said softly as he passed by, "si senor," but in a tone that was calling me to fight. I was unafraid, and should it have come to it, I would have fought. I'm brave enough to do that. I'm brave enough to stand in front of a live and on air audience and speak my mind. I'm brave enough to dance on the roof of a parking garage and celebrate life. I'm NOT brave enough to ask a woman out or face the potentials of Lover-Love.
I Love to dance, but at social dances I'll sit against the wall and do my best to be anonymous. Still, I'll enjoy watching all the good energy going out in the world, but won't participate unless invited and will do my best to keep from being invited by being anonymous.
Yeah...I'm a real brave mother-fucker, alright. I'm willing to look death in the eye and give it the finger. I'm not so willing to look Love in the eye, especially after having been beaten so badly by the stuff.
So, there you go...LET'S START A REVOLUTION!
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