Pudgy Indian

The rain calls my name.
Reminds me of cleansing
and sadness.

24 years ago today.
Wow!
Has it been that long?

Sometimes I feel like I need
to wash my soul.
Good cry, maybe?
Ceremony?
That sounds nice.

Eh...Today I am sad.
I have missed so much in my life.
There is so much I haven't explored.
There is so much I haven't enjoyed.
What is going on here?
What have I missed?
What am I looking for?
Where am I going?
I want to help the people.
I want to live at least trying
to bring a better life to the people.
And yet,
I still feel like I'm missing something.
Is there something I left behind?
I feel change coming into my life.
Change happens all the time.
What does that mean?

At the same time
I feel like a quiet celebration
is going on in my soul.

It's foggy in the West Hills
behind big pink.
Outside the window of the BOO
it is wet and beautiful.
Inside
it is warm and cozy.
Big Pink in the distance,
bare bony trees quite a bit closer.
Brick buildings,
art covered with grafitti.

I wonder at times like these.
What does it all mean?

2.

I found out this morning
from my sister
a friend of ours
may be dying
and not telling us.
It seems she won't go to the doctor
or at least
won't ask the proper questions
nor hear the proper answers.

Nope...
Not gonna cry here.
Not yet.
What the...?
Not...

It never gets
any easier.
I guess one just gets used to it.
...I guess not.

There's a celebration going on in my soul,
somewhere.
I can feel it.
I can hear the laughter
pour like red wine
somewhere deep in my soul.
I can see the smiling happy faces
as cheers spread throughout
the room
and into the
world.
Somewhere...
Somewhere in my soul...
there is a celebration...
and I wonder
at the sadness I feel.