Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Lover-Love
I sat at the counter, writing my pain and crying into my coffee, when suddenly, there is Jesus sitting across from me. This time she is a beautiful woman. I looked up, sighed in disgust, and went back to writing and crying into my coffee. I was hoping she would just go away, but she didn't. She just sat there across from me and smiled a compassionate caring smile.
I look up and ask, "What the fuck do you want?" She just smiles.
I shook my head, and continued to cry into my coffee and write my pain onto the white pages in black ink. My booklet is college ruled and green, the color of the earth. Jesus continues to remain silent and sitting there with that fucking smile.
I put down my pen, and look in her eyes. I wait patiently, and impatiently for some fucking bullshit wisdom to come from her beautiful lips. I hope she won't say anything. Just sit there with that fucking smile and either disappear or get up and walk away. After miles of silence, I state very clearly and in block letters the same question: "What the fuck do you want?"
Again, miles of silence and soul filled beauty. I sighed heavy, look down at my unfilled page, and reach for the pen again...
"Sometimes..." she says, and pauses. I looked back into her eyes.
"Sometimes it happens the way we dream."
I remain unmoved by her words.
"Sometimes it doesn't."
Another long pause as I stared into her beautiful soul filled a deep, wise eyes.
"That it?" I ask.
Jesus just sat there and smiled.
"Jesus Christ, Jesus! Don't you think I fucking know that?! Is this just the continuation of the joke you and your buddies are playing on me? What the fuck, Jesus? Why the fuck are you here? Can't you let me wallow in my pain in peace? I know I'll get over this fucking shit! I know I'll be OK. I know I'll not try this again because it has NEVER worked out for me. I know! OK! I know I will continue my life mission. I know. I know I hurt now, and I know I will heal. What the fuck do you want?"
Jesus stepped around the counter, walked up to me, and opened her arms.
My heart is breaking, and here is this fucking asshole disguised as a beautiful woman wanting to hug me, and I cry and I cry and I cry. I finally push my stool away from the counter, wipe my endless tears, stand and look the beautiful woman Jesus in the eye yet again.
"I hate you Jesus," I tell her. "I hate you for all the horrible shit your followers have done to my people."
She still holds her arms open for me. She still has that warm, compassionate, beautiful smile. We wrap our arms around each other and I cry and I cry and I cry all the pain of my empty soul I cry.
I look up and ask, "What the fuck do you want?" She just smiles.
I shook my head, and continued to cry into my coffee and write my pain onto the white pages in black ink. My booklet is college ruled and green, the color of the earth. Jesus continues to remain silent and sitting there with that fucking smile.
I put down my pen, and look in her eyes. I wait patiently, and impatiently for some fucking bullshit wisdom to come from her beautiful lips. I hope she won't say anything. Just sit there with that fucking smile and either disappear or get up and walk away. After miles of silence, I state very clearly and in block letters the same question: "What the fuck do you want?"
Again, miles of silence and soul filled beauty. I sighed heavy, look down at my unfilled page, and reach for the pen again...
"Sometimes..." she says, and pauses. I looked back into her eyes.
"Sometimes it happens the way we dream."
I remain unmoved by her words.
"Sometimes it doesn't."
Another long pause as I stared into her beautiful soul filled a deep, wise eyes.
"That it?" I ask.
Jesus just sat there and smiled.
"Jesus Christ, Jesus! Don't you think I fucking know that?! Is this just the continuation of the joke you and your buddies are playing on me? What the fuck, Jesus? Why the fuck are you here? Can't you let me wallow in my pain in peace? I know I'll get over this fucking shit! I know I'll be OK. I know I'll not try this again because it has NEVER worked out for me. I know! OK! I know I will continue my life mission. I know. I know I hurt now, and I know I will heal. What the fuck do you want?"
Jesus stepped around the counter, walked up to me, and opened her arms.
My heart is breaking, and here is this fucking asshole disguised as a beautiful woman wanting to hug me, and I cry and I cry and I cry. I finally push my stool away from the counter, wipe my endless tears, stand and look the beautiful woman Jesus in the eye yet again.
"I hate you Jesus," I tell her. "I hate you for all the horrible shit your followers have done to my people."
She still holds her arms open for me. She still has that warm, compassionate, beautiful smile. We wrap our arms around each other and I cry and I cry and I cry all the pain of my empty soul I cry.
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