Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Don't Forget to Dance
Peter Brzica has been a subject of an obsession of mine for the last couple of weeks, and has been in the back of my mind for about two years since I first heard of him. No pictures of the man. Made it to the U.S. under an assumed name.
The other night I had a nightmare. I woke from it, not remembering the nightmare itself. But I was stuck in that half awake half asleep phase. I kept having this tremendous horrible feeling. It was indescribable. It was a fear of being seen, caught, tortured and brutalized. It was a fear of having to deal with the filth and destruction created for the sadistic pleasure of the few. It was a fear of having to do unspeakable things in order to survive. It was a fear of dying. It was a fear of living. And there were three men outside my door, waiting to burst in and take me and do unspeakable things to me.
I had to turn my light on to break the spell of the nightmare, and it took over an hour and a half to get back to sleep.
I had a similar dream, one time. I dreamed that there was a Holocaust survivor floating above my body. Then, I was in his body. He was laying in a bed in New York. He was wearing his best suit. He wore his best shoes. There was a briefcase or suitcase. The man was filled with an incredible sadness. He was waiting to die.
This is some pretty heavy shit to feel. I know people all over the world RIGHT NOW are being forced to feel similar things because of human brutality against each other.
Here, in my space of privilege, I can't forget to dance. Like Emm Goldman said, and I paraphrase; If I can't dance at your Revolution, I aint gonna come.
Knowing horrible things are going on all over the world, I can't keep myself going by fighting all the time. I need to find the things that bring me happiness and pleasure, as do we all.
Yesterday, while driving down Everett in NW, leaves were falling from the trees as we were waiting at a red light on 21st facing east. It was like snow, or rain.
After getting home, I found that my housemate was entertaining a few new members of her dance troupe. The dining table was decorated in Halloween stuff with halloween dishes and lots of autumn colors. Heidi is great at this kind of thing and it was all so pleasing to the eye and created a great and comfortable atmosphere. Although I'd already eaten, I did enjoy some blueberry pie for desert, then ate a little peach pie before I retired to my room for the evening.
When I hear music I enjoy, I will usually dance. Some people I know would just enjoy making fun of me. Some people I know admire the fact that I'm willing to dance and look ridiculous. Some people I know are jealous. And there are all sorts of other feelings deepending on the person. But I dance. It feels good. I'm not afraid to be a fool. I'm not afraid to be a target. I'm not afraid to stand out or speak out. There are a lot of things I am afraid of, but being a fool or a target is not one of them, and neither is dancing.
I enjoy the people I meet while driving for the thrift store. I enjoy my friends. I enjoy my daughter. I enjoy smoking pot. I enjoy a good nights sleep. I love chocolate, especially "Wild Huckleberry Truffles" from Moonstruck. The good coffee drinks from Grendel's across the street from KBOO. I enjoy a good cigar when I can get one. I enjoy walking barefoot in the grass. I enjoy Heidi's cooking. I enjoy cooking with Heidi. I love a good story. I look forward to seeing Saul Williams on the fifth, and am wondering more and more about My Morning Jacket (as long as I can dance). I love KBOO. I love a good conversation. I love sharing. I Love flowers. I love rubbing my hands on rosmary and lavendar and smelling my hands. I Love getting a massage. I Love petting animals. I Love a good joke and even laugh at bad jokes. I Love hugs. I Love being by the water. I love walking and riding my bike across the Burnside Bridge. I Love driving the truck for my work. I Love the goats I live with, who occasionally try to eat my pants and rarely let me pet them. I Love sitting in the hammock in the back yard with my daughter, Felicia.
These, and many more things, bring me pleasure and joy and feed my soul so I can continue to try to do something to change the world.
How about you? What do you do to sustain your spirit?
The other night I had a nightmare. I woke from it, not remembering the nightmare itself. But I was stuck in that half awake half asleep phase. I kept having this tremendous horrible feeling. It was indescribable. It was a fear of being seen, caught, tortured and brutalized. It was a fear of having to deal with the filth and destruction created for the sadistic pleasure of the few. It was a fear of having to do unspeakable things in order to survive. It was a fear of dying. It was a fear of living. And there were three men outside my door, waiting to burst in and take me and do unspeakable things to me.
I had to turn my light on to break the spell of the nightmare, and it took over an hour and a half to get back to sleep.
I had a similar dream, one time. I dreamed that there was a Holocaust survivor floating above my body. Then, I was in his body. He was laying in a bed in New York. He was wearing his best suit. He wore his best shoes. There was a briefcase or suitcase. The man was filled with an incredible sadness. He was waiting to die.
This is some pretty heavy shit to feel. I know people all over the world RIGHT NOW are being forced to feel similar things because of human brutality against each other.
Here, in my space of privilege, I can't forget to dance. Like Emm Goldman said, and I paraphrase; If I can't dance at your Revolution, I aint gonna come.
Knowing horrible things are going on all over the world, I can't keep myself going by fighting all the time. I need to find the things that bring me happiness and pleasure, as do we all.
Yesterday, while driving down Everett in NW, leaves were falling from the trees as we were waiting at a red light on 21st facing east. It was like snow, or rain.
After getting home, I found that my housemate was entertaining a few new members of her dance troupe. The dining table was decorated in Halloween stuff with halloween dishes and lots of autumn colors. Heidi is great at this kind of thing and it was all so pleasing to the eye and created a great and comfortable atmosphere. Although I'd already eaten, I did enjoy some blueberry pie for desert, then ate a little peach pie before I retired to my room for the evening.
When I hear music I enjoy, I will usually dance. Some people I know would just enjoy making fun of me. Some people I know admire the fact that I'm willing to dance and look ridiculous. Some people I know are jealous. And there are all sorts of other feelings deepending on the person. But I dance. It feels good. I'm not afraid to be a fool. I'm not afraid to be a target. I'm not afraid to stand out or speak out. There are a lot of things I am afraid of, but being a fool or a target is not one of them, and neither is dancing.
I enjoy the people I meet while driving for the thrift store. I enjoy my friends. I enjoy my daughter. I enjoy smoking pot. I enjoy a good nights sleep. I love chocolate, especially "Wild Huckleberry Truffles" from Moonstruck. The good coffee drinks from Grendel's across the street from KBOO. I enjoy a good cigar when I can get one. I enjoy walking barefoot in the grass. I enjoy Heidi's cooking. I enjoy cooking with Heidi. I love a good story. I look forward to seeing Saul Williams on the fifth, and am wondering more and more about My Morning Jacket (as long as I can dance). I love KBOO. I love a good conversation. I love sharing. I Love flowers. I love rubbing my hands on rosmary and lavendar and smelling my hands. I Love getting a massage. I Love petting animals. I Love a good joke and even laugh at bad jokes. I Love hugs. I Love being by the water. I love walking and riding my bike across the Burnside Bridge. I Love driving the truck for my work. I Love the goats I live with, who occasionally try to eat my pants and rarely let me pet them. I Love sitting in the hammock in the back yard with my daughter, Felicia.
These, and many more things, bring me pleasure and joy and feed my soul so I can continue to try to do something to change the world.
How about you? What do you do to sustain your spirit?
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