Sunday, September 18, 2005
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
Today marks the first anniversary of my singlness. I had informed my now ex-wife a year ago yesterday that I would be leaving. Saturday, September 18, 2004, I left.
Some people have really admired the fact that I was able to leave and set up uncrossable boundaries. It was completely over and there was no desire to return. I will never go back.
The last year has made me very happy. I lived with my sister for a while who became somewhat passive aggressive toward me.
In January, a cousin of mine was murdered on the Rez, which lead me to two very good friends, Julie and LA.
I moved in with a crazy woman, whom after a month or so of living with her, kicked me out because I had guests in my room. She became very passive aggressive to me the very next day, motivating me to leave the next day instead of waiting the two weeks notice she gave me as well as keeping a whole months rent for the few days I stayed there. I became suicidal in which I was given the feeling I will be alive into my 80's. Even then, I was happier than when I was married, either time.
Lisa Loving and her husband David Lichtenstein invited me to live at there house rent free. During this time I was so happy. I got to hang out with some very wonderful people. Lisa and David are fantastic human beings and so are their kids James and Lela (sp?). I loved waking up early in the mornings with them, drinking coffee, talking politics. I felt so at home, I didn't want to leave, but I did need a permanent place to stay.
My friend Heidi and I became contra dance partners. Her husband, Traian, was living in Norway at the time, and Heidi needed someone to move in. I decided it would be good for me, though I was still reluctant to leave my residence with Lisa and David and their whole family inculding animals.
I have since lived with Heidi in the Garden Home area and am very happy. I have four goats, six cats, two dogs, five rabbits, and an anti-social human being as well as the wonderful Heidi as roommates. Her hubby will be back from Romania in mid-October.
Heidi and I have since became really close friends.
During this last year, I lost one friend by choice, and three of my friends have died. OUCH!
I dated a little early on, but around my birthday, January 17, I came to the conclusion that I'm just not ready for anything. There hasn't been much interest expressed by women in my general direction, which has also given me time to heal and decide if I want to try love again, or at least know what I want so I don't get hurt like I have been in the past. Who ever I fall in Love with, should I choose to do so, I want to make me happier than I am now, and I want to make her happy as well. I want to create a good team to go through life. I will settle for nothing less and will be alone the rest of my life should I be incapable of finding said person. I feel more open toward a relationship now, but am still cautious. No one is coming forward, yet, and I'm not pursuing anyone, but I'm allowing myself to be open to anything.
Tomorrow will be a year and a day. For some reason that seems significant. More significant than today. Like a year since the beginning of my new life...my life.
I still produce a radio program for KBOO and host a TV program for MCTV.
I'm making new friends all of the time.
I got a massage yesterday, the first time I've been touched intimately in over a year. I really enjoyed my hands and head being massaged, and think I became a junky. Once a month, I hope to be able to pay for a half hour. It was so good!
I still drink a lot of coffee. I still love all of my friends. Life is good! Life is really really good!
Some people have really admired the fact that I was able to leave and set up uncrossable boundaries. It was completely over and there was no desire to return. I will never go back.
The last year has made me very happy. I lived with my sister for a while who became somewhat passive aggressive toward me.
In January, a cousin of mine was murdered on the Rez, which lead me to two very good friends, Julie and LA.
I moved in with a crazy woman, whom after a month or so of living with her, kicked me out because I had guests in my room. She became very passive aggressive to me the very next day, motivating me to leave the next day instead of waiting the two weeks notice she gave me as well as keeping a whole months rent for the few days I stayed there. I became suicidal in which I was given the feeling I will be alive into my 80's. Even then, I was happier than when I was married, either time.
Lisa Loving and her husband David Lichtenstein invited me to live at there house rent free. During this time I was so happy. I got to hang out with some very wonderful people. Lisa and David are fantastic human beings and so are their kids James and Lela (sp?). I loved waking up early in the mornings with them, drinking coffee, talking politics. I felt so at home, I didn't want to leave, but I did need a permanent place to stay.
My friend Heidi and I became contra dance partners. Her husband, Traian, was living in Norway at the time, and Heidi needed someone to move in. I decided it would be good for me, though I was still reluctant to leave my residence with Lisa and David and their whole family inculding animals.
I have since lived with Heidi in the Garden Home area and am very happy. I have four goats, six cats, two dogs, five rabbits, and an anti-social human being as well as the wonderful Heidi as roommates. Her hubby will be back from Romania in mid-October.
Heidi and I have since became really close friends.
During this last year, I lost one friend by choice, and three of my friends have died. OUCH!
I dated a little early on, but around my birthday, January 17, I came to the conclusion that I'm just not ready for anything. There hasn't been much interest expressed by women in my general direction, which has also given me time to heal and decide if I want to try love again, or at least know what I want so I don't get hurt like I have been in the past. Who ever I fall in Love with, should I choose to do so, I want to make me happier than I am now, and I want to make her happy as well. I want to create a good team to go through life. I will settle for nothing less and will be alone the rest of my life should I be incapable of finding said person. I feel more open toward a relationship now, but am still cautious. No one is coming forward, yet, and I'm not pursuing anyone, but I'm allowing myself to be open to anything.
Tomorrow will be a year and a day. For some reason that seems significant. More significant than today. Like a year since the beginning of my new life...my life.
I still produce a radio program for KBOO and host a TV program for MCTV.
I'm making new friends all of the time.
I got a massage yesterday, the first time I've been touched intimately in over a year. I really enjoyed my hands and head being massaged, and think I became a junky. Once a month, I hope to be able to pay for a half hour. It was so good!
I still drink a lot of coffee. I still love all of my friends. Life is good! Life is really really good!
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