Monday, August 29, 2005
Love
Love has sucked for me.
I always believed that if you loved somebody they would love you back. Such is not the case, even when you marry the person. I believed that if I gave my all to my partner and did as much as I could to make them happy, the same would be reciprocated. Can you say...FOOL! I knew that you could because more than likely many of you who read this will have done your own foolery in one form or another.
I've been married twice. I loved my wives. The first one insulted me all the time, even calling me ugly. She would look at me in public like she was embarassed to be seen by me. Touching was rare, so along with smashing my self-esteem with insults, she also let it be known by the fact that she really didn't want to touch me. The insults she would give my body were so numerous.
I left her and went to wife number two. I tried to make her happy, but was unsuccessful. She yelled at me a lot. Told me she hated me regularly. No matter how hard I tried to make her happy, I couldn't do it. I was unsuccessful.
It seemed to me, after I left my second wife, that the first one thought I was too Indian and the second one thought I wasn't Indian enough.
A friend and co-worker of mine asked one time, "Were they white women?"
I smiled, "Yes."
"That's your problem."
Maybe, maybe not.
My idea of love was that we would do a lot to make each other happy. That we would work out any conflicts in a healthy manner. That we would be a team and work well individually as well. Such is not the case, at least not for me.
I sometimes consider never trying again. Next month will be a year since I've been single. I've been very happy. No one is treating me like crap. I guess it is too much to ask the people you love to treat you in the same manner, at least those you love as chosen life partners. More often than not, I seriously consider never falling in love that way ever again. I try not to close doors on things, but there you go.
I always believed that if you loved somebody they would love you back. Such is not the case, even when you marry the person. I believed that if I gave my all to my partner and did as much as I could to make them happy, the same would be reciprocated. Can you say...FOOL! I knew that you could because more than likely many of you who read this will have done your own foolery in one form or another.
I've been married twice. I loved my wives. The first one insulted me all the time, even calling me ugly. She would look at me in public like she was embarassed to be seen by me. Touching was rare, so along with smashing my self-esteem with insults, she also let it be known by the fact that she really didn't want to touch me. The insults she would give my body were so numerous.
I left her and went to wife number two. I tried to make her happy, but was unsuccessful. She yelled at me a lot. Told me she hated me regularly. No matter how hard I tried to make her happy, I couldn't do it. I was unsuccessful.
It seemed to me, after I left my second wife, that the first one thought I was too Indian and the second one thought I wasn't Indian enough.
A friend and co-worker of mine asked one time, "Were they white women?"
I smiled, "Yes."
"That's your problem."
Maybe, maybe not.
My idea of love was that we would do a lot to make each other happy. That we would work out any conflicts in a healthy manner. That we would be a team and work well individually as well. Such is not the case, at least not for me.
I sometimes consider never trying again. Next month will be a year since I've been single. I've been very happy. No one is treating me like crap. I guess it is too much to ask the people you love to treat you in the same manner, at least those you love as chosen life partners. More often than not, I seriously consider never falling in love that way ever again. I try not to close doors on things, but there you go.
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