Friday, August 12, 2005
Checkin' in
Thursday will be 11 months since I left my second marriage.
First I lived with my sister, Roxanna. She lives like a mushroom (her apartment is always dark). But I had may own room and it was nice along those lines. Our relationship got somewhat strained as we lived together the few months we did. I spent most of my time away or in my room.
During that time, my cousin Trish's boyfriend, Tyrone, was murdered by her old boyfriend and father of her first child, Aaron. This was Jan. 22.
Shortly thereafter I moved in with a crazy woman and was subsequently ejected from her apartment and she kept my rent as well. That's some bad karma to collect for a woman that has had such a hard time. My crime for getting ejected? I had guests over. I became suicidal and prayed hard for my death. I begged my dad and grandma to take me home. They were sympathetic, but a spirit came forward and basically told me, "Too bad! You're gonna live to be in your 80's." 83 seems to stick in my head. We'll see.
I then stayed with a friend of mine and her family, who are also friends of mine. Lisa was so fun. We were all early monring people and would get up, discuss politics or whatever was on our minds, usually to an excellent cup of coffee. We laughed a lot, considering they were clowns. I met a woman who I almost fell in love with at their house, but that was 10 minutes before she was heading off to new adventures somewhere else in the world. Oh well, wasn't meant to be. It was great living with a bunch of clowns. What fantastic, generous, and Loving people. A big *SQUISH* for all of them.
I started hanging out with a wonderful woman and eventually became her housemate. Heidi is one of the greatest people I have ever met. What a great friend. She is taking her dance troupe to Hungary. They are leaving this weekend. Heidi has taken me Contra dancing a few times. It is a blast. I have a hard time asking women to dance, though. I was shot down the last time I did. I don't think their is gonna be any romance, but for some reason it is just hard for me. Now I live with Heidi, her husband who is in Romania at the moment, a new roommate just added a week or so ago, 2 dogs, 6 cats, 5 bunnies, and 4 goats. Life is Good! Life is really really good.
I made many new friends since being on my own. I've lost a few friends, which is OK. Recently, 3 of my friends have died. That sent me into a deep depression that was difficult to get out of and see.
I tried dating early on. I had a mad crush on a woman, but it wasn't mutual. Now she is my friend. One of the coolest people on earth. I went on one date since, but there was no spark for me. I'm just not ready. I won't be taking any steps backward, that's for sure. Sometimes I want a relationship, sometimes I never want to do that crazy shit ever again. For the most part, there isn't anyone interested in me, and I'm not really interested in anyone. At Inga Muscio's debut of her fantastic book, a woman tried to pick me up. I was doing my best to look fat and ugly, too. I was with another friend, and I can only assume that she thought that friend was my date. I know I've made a few women nervous, but I just don't see myself as an attractive person. So, currently, I have no desire to date. There are no women interested in me, that or they hold their cards so close to their chest I don't even know they are interested.
My daughter is doing well. She has trasitioned joyfully through all of my crazy life. I have broke down a few times in front of her, but even my breakdowns are now rare. She is happy. She is cool. She is fun. She is smart. We are going to the powwow this weekend, thanks to my wonderful friend Heidi. She is lending me her husbands truck, since he is in Romania. It will be the first time Felicia and I made this trip on our own. That is going to be so nice. We plan on stopping at Spirit Mountain and having breakfast at their buffet. We will be hanging out with my cousin Trish. It has been a long time since Felicia has seen her family down there.
So, basically, this last 11 months has been the most fantastic of my life. Even with being suicidal at one point, losing a couple of friends, gaining a bunch of friends, a cousin being murdered, 3 of my friends dying, LIFE IS THE BEST! I love my life. I love where I'm at right now. I love my daughter (who will probably grow to be a comedian, professionally or not). I love my friends, you are all so awesome (you know who you are).
Oh...And I will get everything back.
First I lived with my sister, Roxanna. She lives like a mushroom (her apartment is always dark). But I had may own room and it was nice along those lines. Our relationship got somewhat strained as we lived together the few months we did. I spent most of my time away or in my room.
During that time, my cousin Trish's boyfriend, Tyrone, was murdered by her old boyfriend and father of her first child, Aaron. This was Jan. 22.
Shortly thereafter I moved in with a crazy woman and was subsequently ejected from her apartment and she kept my rent as well. That's some bad karma to collect for a woman that has had such a hard time. My crime for getting ejected? I had guests over. I became suicidal and prayed hard for my death. I begged my dad and grandma to take me home. They were sympathetic, but a spirit came forward and basically told me, "Too bad! You're gonna live to be in your 80's." 83 seems to stick in my head. We'll see.
I then stayed with a friend of mine and her family, who are also friends of mine. Lisa was so fun. We were all early monring people and would get up, discuss politics or whatever was on our minds, usually to an excellent cup of coffee. We laughed a lot, considering they were clowns. I met a woman who I almost fell in love with at their house, but that was 10 minutes before she was heading off to new adventures somewhere else in the world. Oh well, wasn't meant to be. It was great living with a bunch of clowns. What fantastic, generous, and Loving people. A big *SQUISH* for all of them.
I started hanging out with a wonderful woman and eventually became her housemate. Heidi is one of the greatest people I have ever met. What a great friend. She is taking her dance troupe to Hungary. They are leaving this weekend. Heidi has taken me Contra dancing a few times. It is a blast. I have a hard time asking women to dance, though. I was shot down the last time I did. I don't think their is gonna be any romance, but for some reason it is just hard for me. Now I live with Heidi, her husband who is in Romania at the moment, a new roommate just added a week or so ago, 2 dogs, 6 cats, 5 bunnies, and 4 goats. Life is Good! Life is really really good.
I made many new friends since being on my own. I've lost a few friends, which is OK. Recently, 3 of my friends have died. That sent me into a deep depression that was difficult to get out of and see.
I tried dating early on. I had a mad crush on a woman, but it wasn't mutual. Now she is my friend. One of the coolest people on earth. I went on one date since, but there was no spark for me. I'm just not ready. I won't be taking any steps backward, that's for sure. Sometimes I want a relationship, sometimes I never want to do that crazy shit ever again. For the most part, there isn't anyone interested in me, and I'm not really interested in anyone. At Inga Muscio's debut of her fantastic book, a woman tried to pick me up. I was doing my best to look fat and ugly, too. I was with another friend, and I can only assume that she thought that friend was my date. I know I've made a few women nervous, but I just don't see myself as an attractive person. So, currently, I have no desire to date. There are no women interested in me, that or they hold their cards so close to their chest I don't even know they are interested.
My daughter is doing well. She has trasitioned joyfully through all of my crazy life. I have broke down a few times in front of her, but even my breakdowns are now rare. She is happy. She is cool. She is fun. She is smart. We are going to the powwow this weekend, thanks to my wonderful friend Heidi. She is lending me her husbands truck, since he is in Romania. It will be the first time Felicia and I made this trip on our own. That is going to be so nice. We plan on stopping at Spirit Mountain and having breakfast at their buffet. We will be hanging out with my cousin Trish. It has been a long time since Felicia has seen her family down there.
So, basically, this last 11 months has been the most fantastic of my life. Even with being suicidal at one point, losing a couple of friends, gaining a bunch of friends, a cousin being murdered, 3 of my friends dying, LIFE IS THE BEST! I love my life. I love where I'm at right now. I love my daughter (who will probably grow to be a comedian, professionally or not). I love my friends, you are all so awesome (you know who you are).
Oh...And I will get everything back.
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