Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Breakdown!
After getting home last night, I found myself alone. Good place to be as I went to my room and proceeded to uncontrollably cry. I finally got a break in by reading some of my book. Then it all hit like a bag of bricks. I cried so hard. I went downstairs to the bathroom and found myself unable to make the journey upstairs. I sat and cried at the bottom and petted Blue, one of my housemates dogs. I got back to my room, and cried and cried and cried. I don't know how long before I had to go to the bathroom again, and again found myself incapable of making it up the stairs and crying feircly. I finally got to my room again and fell asleep before anyone else got home.
I have lost three friends in the last two months. None of whom have I been able to make the funerals of.
Dennis was homeless. He was Northern Cheyenne. We would laugh and joke. I would make sure he had something warm when it was cold out. I gave him money. I watched him sober up and talk of heading home, then see him again just after getting out of jail. He would sleep in the doorway of one of the buildings where I work. I'd usually see him sitting on the steps when I'd go pick up the truck for work.
The last time I saw Jan, she came down and pitched for my radio show with Justin during pledge drive. She was in the final stages of her cancer, and she came down to pitch for Indian radio. It was the last time she was here at the BOO.
The last time I talked with Sid was out front of the BOO on the bench. We talked politics. He always had that great fuzzy face smile.
ouch
After getting home last night, I found myself alone. Good place to be as I went to my room and proceeded to uncontrollably cry. I finally got a break in by reading some of my book. Then it all hit like a bag of bricks. I cried so hard. I went downstairs to the bathroom and found myself unable to make the journey upstairs. I sat and cried at the bottom and petted Blue, one of my housemates dogs. I got back to my room, and cried and cried and cried. I don't know how long before I had to go to the bathroom again, and again found myself incapable of making it up the stairs and crying feircly. I finally got to my room again and fell asleep before anyone else got home.
I have lost three friends in the last two months. None of whom have I been able to make the funerals of.
Dennis was homeless. He was Northern Cheyenne. We would laugh and joke. I would make sure he had something warm when it was cold out. I gave him money. I watched him sober up and talk of heading home, then see him again just after getting out of jail. He would sleep in the doorway of one of the buildings where I work. I'd usually see him sitting on the steps when I'd go pick up the truck for work.
The last time I saw Jan, she came down and pitched for my radio show with Justin during pledge drive. She was in the final stages of her cancer, and she came down to pitch for Indian radio. It was the last time she was here at the BOO.
The last time I talked with Sid was out front of the BOO on the bench. We talked politics. He always had that great fuzzy face smile.
ouch
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